Monday, September 29, 2003 too much porn and not enough action makes duncan a dull boy. i'm *forcing* myself to go to the bathhouse. i've been watching porn all day and trying to get laid off the internet. activiely trying. messaging this guy and that guy and a couple or two. no takers. now i have to go pay for the privlige of giving it away. am i bitter? no not at this point but i'm sure once i cum i will be. 4:40 PM

I'm totally addiced to the bareback video subgenre. there i said it and i feel better getting it out in the open. sure i'm still a bit uncomfortable with the notion of it but at the same time it's just so fucking hot. these guys are having raw sex on so many levels. i mean, one of the hottest parts is these guys are really into each other. and into the sperm man! i watch it and for me having sex without a condom is a fantasy but watching these guys i feel it's safe for me to imagine having unsafe sex. at the same time i feel so guilty. though i shouldn't. these guys are obviously all positive already. i understand it's still dangerous to have unsafe sex if you are positive, different strain of the virus, but i guess if your already positive that's your choice. i don't know. this is where the dilemma comes in for me watcing it. it seems so reckless. oh and hot. 12:42 AM

Friday, September 26, 2003 so then yesterday i go to the tubs at an odd time for me. around 10pm. it's always good to shake up the agenda. got there and it was pretty busy. 30 seconds from opening my door from business i get my first taker. happens to be the first guy who walks by as well. fun. he had quite the physique but my first instinct was to say no. i was blinded by the torso though. had a lot of questions to start. name, age & background. i laugh and he seems upset, shouldn't he be asking these questions and i could help him with the small talk. i tell him i just find the questions he's asking funny. these are things you need to know. as far as asking about my background goes, i always say 'i'm adopted' and that i don't know. what does it matter? you'd be surprised how many times this it elicts apologies. i asked him the same questions bam bam bam trying to demonstrate the absurdity of the questions. to me anyway. he answers them all bam bam bam. however, now his hand is on my cock. we start fooling around. then the inevitable question. do you like poppers? yes sure you bet i do. do you have any poppers? right. of course i do but we are nowhere near popper time as far as this boy is concerned. i can't imagine going around to rooms and asking for poppers but there you go. and there he went. next in was an obviously drunk guy. i thought he was really hot which is why i forgave the state. perhaps he wasn't as drunk as i thought. he was pretty aggressive from the get go. hard on was working just fine. tasty too. then he starts asking me if i want his load in my mouth. well no since your asking. he tells me how big it will be. me i'm looking to get fucked and tell him so. we put a condom on him but then that's pretty much it. he can't seem to find my hole and goes soft. next. and then a few more please. finally a huge black man i'd seen since i got there comes in my door. relief at last! a little more then average length to his cock but ummm ummm fat and sturdy. enough that i'm a wee bit nervous. it fits nicely though. real nice like. i take a little break to relube it and offer poppers. he says not yet. i do them and i'm bouncing back on him like a charm. he then decides it is the moment for poppers and a few seconds of us banging each other and i pop a loud. either he doesn't notice or care and just keeps going at me. i end up getting hard and coming again. nice. upon leaving he asks if i'm sticking around. i so wish i was but i'm sure he'll be there again. if not him then someone else. :) 11:58 AM

Thursday, September 25, 2003 i rented 10 hours of porn at one pop. two of the dvds were supposed to be 4 hours, really the last half hour or so was all the cumshots replayed again. it's dvd, i can get to the cumshots on my own. i wasn't up to the hassle of trying to find sex. i know what i want and with 10 hours of porn to while away the time with i can give it to myself. i didn't even bother signing in to cruise online. usually i'll do that just for the shits and giggles. needless to say i had great fun. then today i was going at it again. had the dildo out and then in. then all of a sudden i lost my hard on. i took it as a sign. i should try for the real thing. i was getting ready to go out and had thought i could toss one off. ended up coming home to try my hand on line. a guy i've talked to briefly before was on. i was going to message him but he mentions that he's looking for a husband in his ad. eh. he messages me (which would be for a second time). he's seen all my pics. my opener is a picture i took of myself immediately upon waking up one day but the other pictures are nice. we have a discourse going albeit a slightly odd one. i'm asking to see another pic of him when he gives me a description of himself. i quote 'total top'. yummy, and i actually said 'total top sounds tasty' where he replies 'don't tease me'. i wasn't. after that it started to fizzle out though. was he not really a total top? was it to late? should i yank it yet again? i know they say you can't pull it off but... 1:48 AM

Tuesday, September 23, 2003 the last night i worked i was seeing a very different side to the dancers. one of my faves was quite upset. he has consistently treated me kindly, always tips. he's quite muscular and facially he's actually sort of ugly but to the point where he's really attractive. it happens. he was hanging out in the booth and was just full of venom. didn't want to do the job anymore, of course at the start of the evening. the customers didn't treat him with respect. always grabbing his ass. instantly trying to find out what they could get from him. i brought up the money and he said money isn't everything. from a dancer i hear this! i feel awful but i tried to say things to comfort him. not everyone is so bad. while all the time i was rubbing his shoulders. i felt so bad that at the time that he's complaining about leeches there i am trying to get the little thrill that i can. oh and it was delicious, i'm just evil. of course, most of the dancers weren't having a good evening. one comes off stage and throws his clothes on top of my list, that i'm reading from. it's happened before with him a few times. i snapped, there's only so many times you can ask someone not to repeat the same mistakes. i grabbed his clothes and through them on the floor. this snaps him over the edge and we start exchanging words while the mic is still on. fun. he also deals with 'rudeness' all night, meaning the customers. does that mean i should have to put up with it from him though. bah. 1:28 AM

Sunday, September 21, 2003 i had this crazy dream last night and i just can't seem to shake it. in it i'm moving back in with a couple i used to live with over a decade ago. one of half of the couple used to be a 'boyfriend' (bad sex, he just wanted to jerk off) and at the time i didn't enjoy living with them. necessity. we're all moving in together at the same time and it's the old apartment. the place is empty and the walls seem barren. they tell me i must need a shower after travelling such a distance (?). the shower ends up being in my old room. there's no tub though. there's a hole in the floor and they've positioned boxes and couches to make a shower area. oddly enough i think this is cool and not odd. i come out after i'm done and a trannie that at one point stayed with us is going in to have a shower. they tell me to go into the basement and empty the bucket. now i've noticed there is no plumbing anywhere and though we're on the third floor i go into the 'basement' to empty out the bucket of water. there are quite a few pails and i dump them out on to the dirt floor. i wake up because i think it's strange that we're having showers. one of my big complaints when living there was that there was no shower. furthermore, when i woke up i was so horny i had to jerk off right away. didn't take long either :) 3:26 AM

Friday, September 19, 2003 after work last night i head off with a friend to the leather bar. so exciting, it was naked night! i've been a number of times on underwear night though unfortunatley for the most part i don't wear gauchies. i always felt left out on the underwear nights but really it was never too busy and bla bla bla. the bar was crawling with naked guys. of course in this sort of situation how many are you really interested in seeing? not everybody who gets naked should! one guy in particular came in the bar and i swear i smelled him coming. all i could think was please no don't take off your clothes. it was if he had been building up that stench for weeks. bah. on an upnote. i noticed this huge cock from across the room. there should be more to this then that but yup that's it. what a size queen. it was attatched to a handsome fellow, in his forties likely, moustache, hairy and just an incredible cock that i wouldn't have seen otherwise. my ass got all twitchy thinking of it. i wanted to get naked right then and there and hey it was naked night i could. didn't though. after my friend and i left, which was very quickly for us, he started saying how uncomfortable he was. if i had been alone i would have taken off my clothes but then if i had been alone i wouldn't have gone in. we'll see... 10:44 AM

Thursday, September 18, 2003 twas card night last night. we had enough for two tables. exciting! generally the sex talk is confined to innuendo. "jack off the board" though last night one of the players was more forthcoming, in my mind. he'd mentioned buying boxing gloves at a yard sale for $5. me being the naive waif that i am i asked him if he was a boxer. 'no but i have a slave'. now i sorta knew this already but after that last night i was sir this and sir that whenever i could. sir do you need a punching bag? there was a time when i was with a guy who punched me. on the back of my neck. the first hit really freaked me out but after that i was right into it. i was 'daddy's big girl' and he'd ask me to show him my pussy. which meant tucking my cock down and closing my legs. that freaked me out as well but he was so into it i didn't mind. when he started talking about pissing into the condom while he was inside of me i got a little freaked. now i imagine the piss would have just leaked back out of the condom with none of it getting inside of me but who knows. i was a piss virgin though. still, he was quite aggressive and very verbal, i imagine he could of talked me into anything. however, it ended up with me on the ground beating off waiting for him to piss on me. i don't remember what i was thinking, i must have been very caught up in the moment. i do know that as soon as his piss hit me i shot my load. it was very hot, at that time. he patted me on my head and called me a good pig. i've since dabbled with the golden shower set but it's never really done anything for me. in fact anyone else i've played with in that way i've wondered about their potty training. the punching though, apparently that still holds appeal for me. with gloves though? i think i'll take my punching bareback. :) 11:01 AM

Wednesday, September 17, 2003 yesterday, first thing in the morning, i decided not to spend the day on the hunt for sex. got up and tossed one off right away. in the back of my mind the thought was if i get off right away maybe tonight i'll go out for a little something something. was trying to block that thought out though. wanted to get stuff done. laundry. shopping. got stuff done and then some. helped a friend buy a printer and installed it. the most trouble i've ever had! walking around trying to find the right one, the important aspect was that it would look good. printers are not pretty. installing it was not just plug and play. took me 3 hours from the opening of the box to the actual printed page. my trick when something doesen't work...reboot. had to do it 3 times before i got the reboot trick to work. :) went out for supper and by the time the meal was done i was tipsy. walking on the way home i'm checking this guy out standing on the street, he's talking to a friend. he notices me and starts checking me back out. aaargh did i have to have pesto? it dosen't matter, i'm not alone. he seemed familliar though, i'll run in to him today. tastygood man on man action :) 10:16 AM

Monday, September 15, 2003 sorta been flirty with a dancer all weekend. he's flirty back but only so far. of course, he's working. our working relationship has always been a little *queer*. anyway, yesterday he announces 'he's not my type', which is completely true but i would never had said it. how did he know. furthermore, since that i've been crazy thinking about fucking his ass. for the rest of the day i was all over him like white on rice. not necessarily pretty. i think he knew this would be the result. i think that nasty little dancer is playing with me. could i have a better job? i gave viagra as a gift. i knew this friend wanted to try it and so whynot? still, people will talk. just keep in mind, giving me viagra as a gift will always be welcomed. he seemed grateful and i think as soon as i was out of view he popped it. tastygood viagra. 10:11 AM

Sunday, September 14, 2003 a friend dropped by for my last hour of work. it's always interesting when he shows up, most of the dancers think he's my boyfriend. which is fair enough, we've been in many situations where people have thought that about us. in this case though it's more interesting to watch the dancers' reactions. they flirt with him because they think it will make me jealous, which on both counts pleases him. fun is had by all. we smoked a joint after work and were going to a bar for a cocktail. when he offered to pay for a locker at the tubs for me and we could have a drink there instead of at a bar. sure, hey whynot? i wasn't feeling very randy but a free peek around the tubs is a-o-k. i'd already had a cocktail at work and then two there. was feeling just fine. then 2 dancers showed up. flopsy and mopsy. they're both like 21, skinny and big cocks. neither of them are ass bandits though, 'i just like oral sex' la la la. me with my penchant for buggery, i have no time for it. one of them i find attractive but not for a bit of cocksucking. i get them high, even though i know one of them has dope. you got to be rough with your dancers but not at work...cut them slack at the tubs man. :) mind you, i got them high, cruised a bit and left. there didn't seem to be anything clicking and with 2 dancers there the chances of running into one of them in the steamroom just doubled. or some math equation. 1:01 AM

Saturday, September 13, 2003 i've been hung all day. i really did go overboard yesterday. new dancer manny ... he asks me out after work tonight. it was innocent and not necessarily leading to sex, though you know how it goes. i just didn't have it in me. i don't even think if he said 'let's go back to my place and have sex' i would have been able to. bah. nice cock man. 12:19 AM

Friday, September 12, 2003 nasty. somedays that's all i am. of course today i'm paying for it. i feel every muscle in body and each one of them has a different complaint. which i think boils down to i didn't keep myself hydrated. big hairy brute from last week was there. we were fooling around when they called my room out for check out or renewal. i should have just left but what a delicious cock he has. he's very chatty too. suck my cock, get it nice and hard so i can fuck your ass. i can't leave without getting fucked by his cock so i go to the front desk and renew. i've already been there for 8 hours and here i am booking myself in for more. men wandering hallways in towels for sex, who would think it would be so addictive? i always console myself with the thought that i'm not so bad. there are a few guys that it seems to me every time i go they are there, i figure they must be there more then me if i see them every time i go. still, how many of them make a day of it? ;) big hairy brute didn't wait for me. i conclude it's because i didn't have poppers. it's all good. some daring young man starts pointing his pecker at me through his towel and i'm off on another rampage. this guy introduces himself as Richard and drops the towel the second the door closes behind him. stands there looking shocked that i'm not already sucking his cock. bam. his cock went out at a sharp right angle, it was great fun swizzling on it. i'm wondering what it's going to feel like in my ass. i figure it's going to hurt at this point but alas the point is moot. my tasty mouth gets him off. no worries, i'm here for hours. next it's a Joaquin Phoenix lookalike who is instantly super passionate. i also never see his cock soft. i'll admit i'm a size queen but nothing turns me on more then a hard cock. he's kissing me and ramming his cock against my back door but not reaching for the condoms. this goes on for awhile and i find it all rather exciting until i reach for the condom. then he says he's going to take a break. bah! a cute hyper asian comes in the room and i'm done for. he's gobbling up my cock, wrapping it in a condom and bouncing a way on me. fun. he comes and i don't stop. i can't stop. geesh i'm hard now thinking about it. he tells me his ass is going to hurt for a week. sure, sure whatever now get on your back so i can really fuck you. i make a mess in my condom. he asks me what drugs i'm on. ??? i tell him i've smoked some pot and then all of a sudden he's off talking about drugs. telling me the best way to do tina, 'you want to control her smoke her'. hey aren't we done here? go to the shower room for clean up and he actually tells me to pee. always pee after sex. ya ya ok. i understand it's a good idea and practice it whenever i can but i don't need you telling me. towelling off in the sauna he's telling me to hoop booze. booty bump it, as he refers to it. aaargh how do i get away from this guy? we happen to be leaving at the same time, duh, and more with enjoy your high, in front of staff. he's walking out first and i'm turning the opposite direction to him, which ever it is. fortunately it's the right direction. walking for a bit, all of a sudden an insistent car horn. GO HOME! 11:23 AM

i spent over 12 hours at the bathhouse today. it's been a long time since i've done this. i am understandbly exhausted. god bless viagra. 3:53 AM

Wednesday, September 10, 2003 yesterday i was going to make it to the baths early. get me some of that after work horny. as part of the process of getting ready i had to check out a little porn. then i figured i better take myself for a test drive and got out one of my dildoes. Ben to be precise. Ben & i are very close, many a special moment shared between us, some even with others. Ben is double ended. i guess he was randy yesterday too. i ended up shooting my load. there seems to be like 30 minutes (give or take) after a cumshot during which sex is the last thing on my mind. of course after that time runs out it's back to sex being the most important thought. turns out i wasn't going to make the cut-off for cheap time at the baths after my 30 minutes were up. geesh, now what would i do with my evening. i decided going out to the bars would satisfy all urges. give me a little cruising time mingling with the masses. it seems whenever i'm out to a bar i'm with friends and cruising with a friend...it dosen't work. i go to the leather bar first. get a drink and shoot a game of pinball, which also affords me the chance to check out passers-by. almost right away i have eye contact with a guy on the street. eastern european or russian looking. dark hair, dark eyes and let's hope a nice uncut dick. he's outside though, i just got my cocktail and i've got credit in the pinball machine. i think to myself, if he comes inside i quit playing the game. this cruising from outside goes on for awhile, which i should be taking as weird instead it's making me hotter. dammit i'm even losing my balls because i'm making sure this guy knows i'm game. he starts to move to come inside and i get a little jittery. i'm not good with the small talk. i want to get right to the business at hand, let's see how you handle sex then let's get to know each other. i don't instantly stop the game, but after i hear the door open and close i let the ball go down so i can turn around. i figure he'll be at the bar and i'll be able to scope out where he's headed better. bam. i turn around to see him almost directly behind me, our eyes lock and i realize instantly i've made a mistake. he's waiting for the guy behind me on the phone who had kept bumping into me while i played the game. aargh. phone guy is speaking spanish to someone and is not the least bit attractive. dark eyes wasn't cruising me at all. he goes back outside, i return to my drink and finish my games. what was hot cruising a minute ago becomes a painful memory to me as he keeps walking back and forth outside. i think to myself 'i wouldn't keep you waiting'. certainly not as long as this guy did, i was done my drink and ready to leave, he's still waiting outside as i leave. he gives me a nod when i walk past him but what is that? i go to a couple other bars, have quick drinks and hop on public transit to go to the park. the moon is almost full so there are lit areas. everyone's moving around in the dark areas though. i spy on three different couples but can't tell if i want to get closer. a few guys follow me around, one looks interesting but i can't seem to get him apart from the others. it's a long walk home... 11:20 AM

Monday, September 08, 2003 i've mentioned before a penchant for str8 porn. not all of it, but some of it is very hot. christine young was recently brought to my attention. from what i've gathered, Christine had been doing porn for other sites and started her own. right on! in the videos i've seen she seems to be in control and turning the tables on the guys. making them undress for her and do it for the camera. i just love it. and the guys are hot! Christine baby if you're out there and you want to pervert these boys further and make them do it with other guys for your pleasure here i am. pick me pick me. male to male sex in video treated the same as lesbian scenes. i think it's hot! and it's been a long time since i've known a woman in the bibilical sense. we'll have fun. get back to me. if i haven't freaked you out with the boobies then check out jizz bomb too. julian rios (aka jordan rivers) seems to be doing a lot of their videos. he's added some tattoos and if it's possible that dick even looks bigger to me! who was the guy that sucked him off in fly bi night? lucky that's who. 5:48 PM

Sunday, September 07, 2003 a friend has left town for the week and has asked me to water his plants. yippee! it's a small apartment but it is a penthouse. on the downside there is no internet access, no cable and wait for it...no phone. there is however a cute guy on the same floor who lets his cats play in the hallway. i'll lure the kittys in with the tuna and ... on second thought, i'll keep that plan to myself. last time i had his place to myself it was champagne and ecstasy with a regular. for weeks afterwards everytime i was visiting my friend i'd get flashbacks to sex in different parts of the apartment. at that point he hadn't even had sex in his own apartment. i was supposed to lie and say i hadn't either. went over tonight thinking i'd peruse his porn collection, which at one point must have been thousands of dollars strong. he had Kristin Bjorn movies, the latest ones too and these aren't selling cheap. in some fit or something he threw out all of them but i thought he had been rebuilding his collection. alas no or i can't find them. ended up just watering the plants. i do plan to go there tommorow for some prime time tanning and hopefully a little something something with a *neighbor*! 11:52 PM

Saturday, September 06, 2003 dancer B is now officially Manny. comes into the DJ booth today and asks when he's on. 'you're on next' to which he expresses shock and says he's not hard. i tell him he's got 2 songs to go and he asks if he can shut the door. hello. of course you can shut the door. instantly he's got his dick out, pulling on it and even moaning. i'm thinking to myself you just started how can you be moaning like that already. sounds great though. then he says 'i'm going to need some help', i turn around, see his hard cock and ask him 'what kind of help do you need'. he lifts his eyebrow and grins. now really, after his saying he needed help i was ready but this eyebrow thing just pushes me right over. i imagine it was only a nanosecond before i was on my knees slurping away and listening to even more intense moans. i'm even tasting precum. song ends for dancer on stage and i'm still on my knees. not good. it did not go unnoticed and two dancers were instantly there to find out what had happened. i lied and said 'nothing'. don't want them expecting my fluffing services. last night i had some success cruising online. even went over to this guy's place not seeing a face pic. i'd seen 2 body shots and both of them showed his cock. it was all i needed to see. he wasn't unattractive when i got there and it wouldn't have mattered if he had been. he pretty much had it scripted out in the emails, i'd come in and start sucking his dick right away and then when he was ready he'd fuck me. perfect fit for me. it all happened very quickly though. i was home i'm sure in 30 minutes and cruising again. porn got the best of me though. 9:45 PM

Thursday, September 04, 2003 it was back to work today. there were dancers dancers everywhere. two new ones, whom i incorrectly presumed to be spanish, both tastygood hot! dancer A (i'm going to use A & B cause even during the course of the shift they were changing names) and i start discussing the music he's going to dance to. this can always be a touchy subject. there are certain songs that are not allowed (anything that says FUCK for example) and they also need to be at least 4 minutes long (this is how dancers charge for private dances). i'm also to discourage hip hop..."it's a gay bar, nobody wants to hear that"...except for the dancer of course. turns out dancer A likes house. i've got plenty of that so we're narrrowing the choices down. he's a hot guy, i'm trying to get him to dance to what i consider the hot stuff. he says 'what about that greek song do you have that greek song' and on a lark i played gia by despina vinda for him. 'that's not greek, it's persian' blah blah blah i find a song for him. dancer B, oh dancer B. dreamy, and like i said spanish looking. turns out he's arabic. we gets to talking and he's very close to me. i've got him pegged as straight and i'm just relishing the closeness we're sharing. 'file this away for future masturbation' i ask him if he'd be interested in this persian song i have. he listens and announces 'it's greek' but he'd like to dance to it. sweet. he goes to get ready for his show (...jerk off and then tie it off to keep it hard...)comes back minutes before his show and asks why i played str8 porn for him. boing. turns out he's bisexual which at work means gay, as far as i'm concerned, only a few identify as being gay right from the get go. turns out he wasn't up against me for nothing before. i start questioning him. bisexual but which do you prefer? men. top or bottom? top. i squeal a little and reintroduce myself. now i tell him the most important question, will you be cumming in the condom or will you be squirting it all over me? 'your talk is making me all horny, i won't need porn anymore.' unfortunately at this point he's on. still i get to watch the show. the interesting part is while he's dancing to the song dancer A comes running to the booth to tell me this is THE greek song. though he said it was persian when i played it for him to decide. again with the blah blah blah... baby thug was in today too. recovered from the black eye he got last weekend. he comes in fully clothed, says he's going to get naked, is back in 30 seconds wagging his hard-on all over the dj booth. sure i tower over him, but if we were laying down he'd be taller then me. what can i do but watch him play with his dick. oh and of course make innuendo. he asks me to put oil on his back for him. ummm, sure i'll rub this oil on your back, you dirty little so and so. knowing full well my hands are going to be oily trying to pick out my next song. i'm rubbing oil into his back and the next i know he's squirming all over the place and my hands are everywhere. front, back and then he's got me playing with his cock. so fucking nice. alas, i have to put him on the stage. he's in and out of the booth all shift. constantly pulling out his cock. next time he's warming up for the show in the booth and ron jeremy is on the screen about to fuck some chick and he starts to fast-forward the video. hey hey that's ron jeremy, i know he's old and fat now but he's still got a nice cock. i wasn't ready for his response 'i love ron jeremy man i just want to get to the penetration' right on. after a bit he says look at that cock and i look up to the screen. thug hits me and says 'this cock'. such a big cock for such a little guy and all veiny too! and me looking at ron jeremy for the umpteenth time. somebody discipline me. 10:49 PM

Wednesday, September 03, 2003 i may not have had sex in a park last night but at least i frequented one. it's a twenty minute walk to the park and i thought it would do me good to get out for a stroll. bah. i get there and just do a cursory walk through. get my bearings, which it seemed i wasn't going to need. as i left the cruisy area i finally saw someone coming in who i was sure wasn't getting any of my sweets. i walked to another area of the park. normally this would have set me into a tizzy of frustration. figuring out where i was going to go for a little action now. i just decided i was going full circle and would make my way back home. takes me through cruise central and there was a little diversion to a greenhouse i could make. for the sake of looking in to a greenhouse! as i was nearing the cruisy area again i was noticing movement. oh there are guys here. no. there's also a great dane. bah. i understand you have to take these beasts for walks but into the cruisy area? what are you going to do with the dog? don't answer that, just leave your dog at home. please. all of sudden the dog is lumbering towards me. my paperboy instinct kicks in and i'm in fear mode. this dog is charging at me. the owner is yelling out 'poopers' and then 'friendly, he's friendly'. fack off. next i know the dog is ready to jump on me and the only thing left to do was turn around. it jumps on my back and start licking me from behind. yuckers. owner comes and pulls him off of me. tells me again 'he's just being friendly' and pats me on my back. mere inches from my ass! he's hot to boot. i'm all charged up and the only thing i can say is 'no no no'. he's off after dog. poopers. who calls their dog poopers and then takes it to a gay cruising area? he must be straight i tell myself. the incident has left a bad taste in my mouth. i get into the dark area and though i have a hard time seeing anything for sure i can certainly smell the action. unfortunatley i'm freaked, anytime something moves i'm jumping out of my skin. a guy walks by me, i stifle a loud scream but still some sort of noise does escape me. he walks into the light and i see that's he right up my alley. too late though. he's walking away back into the dark and i'll never be able to pick him out again. i make a dash for the exit. i tell you this much, some times it just ain't easy being easy. 11:33 AM

Tuesday, September 02, 2003 i was back home from the boonies last night and out within thirty minutes. ran into a friend and we went for a drink (or two). had no definite plans beyond sucking some cock. he was returning home from a day of debauchery and wanted to rent some videos, i went with him. i usually only go in the videostore if it's after 9pm and i need leather cleaner. at that point it's one of the only places you can pick it up. many years ago, before i lived in the big city, i would come here and buy cheap porn. i would spend hours deciding which videos to take and of course it was quite cruisy. there are also booths set up where you can watch video. i used to use it as a safe place to smoke a joint. i'm pretty sure i never got it on in the back. i can have a selective memory though. i check out the DVDs and they have a lot more than they used to. the guy working behind the counter is attractive, i always thought it could be a great job. customers are lively. what i assume are two straight guys are checking out straight video, together. not sure what that is but can i come over and service you while you watch your choices! one of them is tall and rather attractive. olive skin. dark features. i may be dating myself here but dressed preppy. honestly, i had to squeeze by him twice, the third and fourth time were superfluous. i noticed he was hanging out in front of the entrance to the back room. i went and told my friend i'd had a lovely time with him but i was going to go in the back now. snicker snicker. i didn't have the time to stay and snicker snicker back at him, a day of debauchery and then renting porn. that's a guffaw! i passed by tasty a fifth time and went into the backroom. you walk down a hallway, lined with a few guys at this time. i seem to remember it being packed up here when i've been in before. the requisite grope by someone you're not interested in. grab myself a booth, turn around to get myself positioned in case he comes back there and he's already in front of my door with his hard dick out. bingo. i move back and allow him entrance. shut the door and get down onto my knees. nothing spectacular cockwise but hey i'm not going to be picky. put it in my mouth and it's already got the taste of precum. yummy. work my way down on it a bit and hey what's this? he's pulling out and cumming all over me and my street clothes. everywhere. i know, i asked for it. if you want guys to cum on you it shouldn't matter when or where. i should have been pleased. he had his cock put away and was out the door before i fully realized what had happened. i had two shirts on so i took off the outer one and tied it around my waist. left the back room, friend was still deciding on videos so i hurried him up and walked home with him. the whole way i felt like everyone could tell what had happened. i could have just come home and cried. instead i beat off. 11:51 AM

Monday, September 01, 2003 long weekend, so i've returned to the place of my birth to visit the folks. small towns don't have bathhouses. it's fine to say the cruisy area is wherever i am but it doesn't mean i'm going to get any. i know of two other gay guys in town, one is an ex and the other holds no interest for me whatsoever. though as an interesting aside i have heard he has a large penis and double fucked someone else i knew with his boyfriend at the time ... hmmm interesting how it all ties together. later i'll take a walk and check out the place where i first tasted cock. geesh, i'll walk around the neighborhood and do a cruise of all the spots. actually, for a small town i'd say i did pretty well sexwise. once a wildgeek, always a wildgeek. 2:24 PM