Sunday, December 28, 2003 came home from work yesterday to a small gathering. on a saturday night no less. of course no one to have sex with. ended up getting nicely toasted on both sides. with a little arm twisting i even went out to the local disco. 3 dancers were there. also spotted someone who has messaged me a number of times online. the pictures were flattering after having seen him live. a dancer introduced me to a tall glass of chocolate milk and afterwards told me he was interested. nothing more came of it but i know where said dancer works. at one point the roomie was getting hot and heavy with a fellow patron. little did i realize he was also fingering this guy. today he tells me he still can't get the smell off his finger. yikes. i did not verify this. you gets what you pay for! came home and tried to pass out. duncan has limits with booze and they were exceeded last night. of course i had the hangover hornies when i woke up. pulled one off and then i'm just hungover. 2:42 PM

Saturday, December 27, 2003 last night cruised online and got great sex out of it to boot! a couple. we had chatted a bit before i got to see more then just torso pics, something i'm not very keen on. when i was invited over to 'compare tan lines' i asked for pics and got them. not necessarily flattering pics but at the same time they weren't blurry or doctored as far as i could tell, i was horny, it was a date. i arrived at their house (yes note, not an apartment) and the one from the pic that i considered the less attractive of the two answered. more attractive then the pic. went into the den and attractive one from pic came in. drinks were procurred from a well stocked bar. 'they entertain'. two christmas trees! their place is clean and nicely made up. i should fess up here...their names were brian and joe but i'm not entirely sure which was which. yes, i was introduced to both of them and yes they did refer to each other by name, still, there are only so many details i can retain. we sat on the couch and had polite conversation. obviously the one who answered the door, let's say brian, was the boss. joe was who i had chatted with online and he had referred to brian as the boss online in so much as 'i've got an ok from the boss for you to come over'. apparently, before i came over joe had been watching straight porn, brian thought str8 porn wasn't conducive to "gay sex" and they had put music on. apparently joe and i both have a penchant for str8 porn. joe excused himself to head off to the bathroom and brian asked if i was 'into it'. i was and we began the heavy petting portion of the evening. rock hard in his pants i took it out. very nice, between 6 and 7" and thick. sort of a blunt head. we hadn't discussed anything about what would transpire sexually though recently i've changed my online ad from versatile to bottom. joe returned, more heavy petting, oral sex all around and then brian knocking on my back door. brian said let's take it upstairs. joe and i kept fooling around a bit and then also headed up. joe and i certainly were getting hot and heavy upstairs. brian busied himself fingering my ass. eventually wrapping it up and allowing me to sit down. i'm bouncing on brian and sucking joe off. tastygoodfun. brian has to stop because i'm getting him too close. ok i thinks to myself, let's wrap up joe and no sooner do i think it then brian is suggesting it. joe doesn't last as long as brian but brian's ready to go again. at one point i'm on my knees and there both behind me taking turns fucking my ass. sweet. i'm put into the missionary position (uh oh) and i just start yanking brian into me. i covered my whole chest in cum. it had been 3 days and you know it's important to make a good first impression. brian cums inside of me and joe cums in my mouth. a nice tasting cum i don't mind swallowing. i'm invited back a number of times. brian offers to drive me home. as soon as were in the car he asks if i smoke and i become his nicotine connection. again, with the invite. it's just, well, how long do you wait before contacting a couple? 9:28 AM

Sunday, December 21, 2003 broke the new place in on friday night. dissapointingly. yet again i have succeded in turning a perfectly good top into a bottom. it seems i have too much fun getting fucked and my tops must wonder 'hey what's so fun'. i don't know. all i know is he didn't fuck my ass with his cock or with my dildo. if that's not enough, he's devloped a penchant for kissing and cuddling. sure kissing and cuddling have a place but really sex is all about the hardcore fucking! and now the final blow...i wasn't allowed to fuck him deep, fast or hard. what's left i ask you? initially i was turned on when he said he was 90% bottom now. i love the double ended dildo fun. i've only got to try it once before so here i'm thinking 'right we bang each other'. bah. what we have here is another 'whiny bottom'. perhaps i should have brought out the 12" and not the 18". i was horny. he was not able to even succesfully fuck me with a dildo and couldn't take for more then 30 seconds himself. i pull off a load. now usually, i'm at his place and at this point leave. apparently he feels he can sleep over at my place. fine. in the morning he thinks i'm going to repeat the evening. not a chance. coffee is made and i put my clothes on. after awhile he gets the hint and leaves in a rush complaining about a headache. last night i tried some frustrating online cruising, gave up and fucked myself silly. 1:48 PM

Thursday, December 18, 2003 it's not like i'm not thinking of having sex. i'm constantly jumping at the idea that i can entertain now. that overwhelming urge that usually pulls me to directly to the bathhouse *do not pass go* hasn't overtaken me though. there are no curtains here though and that will be a priority. access to porn hasn't had the same effect either. there's just so many things to clean and put away. i'm barely a block away from a 24 hour grocery store. just shopping at 1 am and not having to walk far is a magor pull for me. a bit of late night cruising in the grocery store as well. honestly though, i couldn't see pursuing a grocery store pick up. mark my words because i thought that it will happen. 1:24 AM

Wednesday, December 17, 2003 when you read this it will mean i am back online. not that i was offline very long. 24 hours tops if all goes accordingly. i have moved living spaces. i've never really written about my previous living arrangements, mostly because i wasn't sure what to say. for well over a decade now i've lived with the same man. in the beginning we were boyfriends and lovers. over time we stopped being lovers and were just boyfriends. i would think even for the last few years we've barely been friends. i'm hoping that changes now and we return to being friends. all indications are good. i didn't tell him i was leaving. in fact yesterday i made him an extravagant meal, a last supper if you will. steak and with a french red wine called 'fat bastard'. he had told me about this wine months ago and it just became a running gag for me. calling people fat bastards and then telling them it was a french wine. fancy desserts purchased and served with a little veuve. sure, as with anytime i cook a big meal and have a little drink with him i hope for sex. the last time was 2 years ago this new year's eve, before that i don't even remember how long. bah. got most things moved out today. nasty. mind you, when he and i moved into the apartment was the absolute worse move. 2 days before the big date the movers called to cancel. shows what you get for picking a mover from the back of a fag rag. still, it went without too many hitches. afterwards i had to visit him at work to tell him i had left. i was virtual wreck but he seemed quite in control. i was expecting a worse case scenario but he said he knew it was coming. we had had a magor disagreement only days after i returned from hawaii. he asked me to leave, which has happened before. this time i told him i expected him to leave, that i was going to keep the apartment. since that point i had stopped sleeping in the same bed with him except for last night. though things had been 'cool' between us it was a bit different this time. me knowing i was leaving played a part on my behalf. i've been out on the streets a couple times and been just crazy with the hormones. i could take that guy home. maybe that one. all back to my apartment for rutting "pig sex". ha! i can't wait to break the place in though. i've got a dancer in mind i'd love to have come over and tear a piece off of me. 4:34 PM

Saturday, December 13, 2003 thanks to a reader for helping me find out about wearing two condoms. i've had a hectic week. nary a chance to even pull the pud. don't want to jinx myself so i'm not going to mention anything. everything should be back to normal next week. if not my balls may just bust. 10:11 AM

Tuesday, December 09, 2003 right, so i brought daniel back to my place. i've only had sex with one other guy at the apartment, a regular. one of those times my roommate walked in on the middle of me giving head. you never saw someone move so fast. tricksy made a mad dash for the bathroom and no one suspected anything. sweet. fortunately, daniel and i were not interrupted. so i'm a candle burner and lit candles and incense when we got here. i wasn't trying to set a romantic mood, i was planning to smoke a joint in the apartment. i'm just adding this now cause it seems i scared daniel off. we did smoke a joint and had a smart cocktail. then got down to the business at hand. ummm tastees. got my ass fucked in the very place where i usually position myself with dildo ben. fucked me better then ben. he cums and i expect a repeat performance. this is what happened last week at the baths. however, no. seems he has to leave soon. ok. what's this though? he's not leaving. i get dressed and tell him i'll go down with him. last minute, i change my mind and tell him i won't be leaving after all. walked him to the elevator. no mention of getting together again. had started that blog yesterday and was drinking another cocktail when i thought 'what am i doing here?' and headed out to the tubs. good call. a friend was there when i got there and we hung out a bit in the common area. even chatting with the owner of the bathhouse. always good to have the owner know who you are. left my friend chatting with the owner but told him i had a joint and he said he'd be right up. got undressed, took a quick walk around and instantly hooked up with a guy. seen him there a couple times but never outside of his room. tall guy, nice width, broad shoulders, shaved head and i'm thinking early 40s. i'm expecting a nice big cock but turns out i'm going to be disappointed in that department. not that it was small, i was just thinking more. still, he kept it nice and hard which is always a plus. he had one of those thicker black cock rings on. asked if i liked poppers and a way we went. when he started fucking me i pulled out the ethyl. he was interested immediately. some people freak out. anywho, i'm spraying it on the cloth and he's sniffing it. obviously i'm inhaling it through my mouth but he keeps sniffing at it. get out of the popper box man. i tell him to use his mouth. that did the trick. he started fucking me like a monkey. going at the cloth and the poppers and my ass and whoa fun. he's done, all sorts of questions about the ethyl with the main one being where do i get it? :) i go out to find friend and i do. at the door about to leave. i tell him you've got to know the first guy is going to be a quickie. he comes back upstairs and we blow the joint. he decides to walk around again. of course so do i. i notice a couple guys i wouldn't mind a little how's your father from. in particular a bear with a beard in his room with the light on full blast. big fat cock. oh yes please. head back to my room when i see the bear lumber out of his room. walks by my door twice and the third time he comes in. i have to shut my door and then i have to work to get his dick hard but it's worth it. besides, i was able to take all of it in my mouth only when it was soft. he starts ramming my throat pretty hard and i get to say something i've always wanted to say but never have. "i take it up the ass much better then my throat" snap he's got me on all fours and starts rimming my ass. oh oh i think, we got ourselves a barebacker here. true as rain he tries to throw it in without a condom. without lube even. as if his bit of spittle will be enough. i get him to put on a condom and tastiness ensues. we stop and start a few times. he gets pretty nasty with his mouth. calls me a dirty pig. yessir! a lot of "you like that big cock up your ass" and "you like having your ass fucked", i have to agree! i finagle myself into the missionary position and expect him to start spitting on me. in fact am looking forward to it but i make do with his sweat and the torrent coming out of his mouth. i cum like never before. the first shot splatters all over my face. i've come like that before, a shower, but never onto my face, felt great, even the sting in my right eye. after the initial splatter a couple gushes come out, he starts a moan that i know is from my cumshot par excellance, pulls out and shoots all over my belly. i'm just awash in cum. shower and if you can believe it walk around a bit more. there was a tall gangly guy with his second toe dramatically longer then his big toe. to me a sign of a big dick. i don't draw his attention and so call it a night. a happy night at that! 10:59 AM

Monday, December 08, 2003 bah so i met with daniel. we met at a busy coffee shop. too busy it turned out, i got there early and had to stand outside drinking an espresso. i figure i'm asking for a double espresso i'm getting two in one cup. it seems instead i get double strength. what's worse...i've always felt weird drinking coffee in public. it's not my cup of tea. :) so i'm out front of a coffee shop at a busy intersection drinking coffee in front of everyone and yes smoking. i broke down and bought my first package of cigerattes since returning from hawaii. 7:53 PM

haven't heard back from daniel. it is monday. it is morning. who knows now? last night, for what seems like the first time in forever, i got laid from the internet. an older gentlemen but said he loves to fuck. saw three pictures, the cock shot sold me. he said he was 5'7 but my guess at height is not good. sure, it could come from the fact that i say i'm 6 foot. you would prefer i said 5'11? anywho, i don't think he was 5'7. in fact when he opened the door he seemed oddly familliar, same building even but he said 'excuse the mess i just moved in'. so he couldn't be the guy i was thinking he was. i mean whose going to use a line like 'i just moved in' the line would be 'i'm moving out' so people don't think they can come back. we start with some kissing. the unfortunate thing about internet cruising, once your there you kind have to do what's wanted or leave. he made funny noises while kissing. slurpy noises. whistle-like. i don't know, i don't even want to revisit the whole episode. i just closed my eyes and thought of the cock. did i mention the bushy moustache? for all my moaning i gotta say this guy fucked like a charm. we all know gay sex is all about the anal action. real pro he was. i had to ask for a bit more lube but after that no more. i had to stop twice but to start up again after stopping i just needed to raise my legs. people snicker when they call me 'helium heels' but it does me good. he only fucked me in the missionary position and he seemed to have a thing about my feet being on his chest. rock'n'roll. can't kiss in that position. one other thing. i didn't notice the first time he fucked me but the second time he did put on two condoms. i just don't know how to bring up whether this is safe or not. not even sure if it is or isn't. need to bring myself up to speed before i go around making prouncements. furthermore, do i seem like such a slut that 2 condoms are neccessary? geez... 10:38 AM

Sunday, December 07, 2003 i'm not so sure about this date on monday now. he wants to meet in the morning. the morning? sure, i'm horny in the morning. i just don't want to get up monday morning and get ready for a date. perhaps i'm being fussy. was telling a friend today about how daniel put on two condoms. relaying it as a *sweet* story. friend tells me this is dangerous. the two condoms rub against each other breaking them down. sounds sensible to me. anyone? been cruising online for a little over an hour. spent some that time chatting with a couple whose pics looked ok. didn't see the face pics until well into the conversation. big mistake. i always feel so harsh after seeing the face pic saying 'not interested'. i'm not interested though, not even to the point of faking it. i mean one these guys was downright freaky looking. i realize when i'm dealing with guys out of my league, it's a fact of life. were these guys not wondering. it's saturday night, shouldn't there be a group sex party going somewhere? i'm not talking some bathhouse orgy, don't guys have at home sex parties? why the hell am i not there! 12:53 AM

Thursday, December 04, 2003 daniel and i will be meeting on monday. at least that's the plan. it also seems a friend will be out of town at that time. providence i tell you. pure and simple. as it stands we are just going to meet up on monday and then decide what we'd like *to do*. sounds like tasty treats to me. after cards last night i had quite a few cocktails. ended up getting a locker at the bathhouse. a number of attractive men and i seem to be making a connection with a few of them. in the halls, with the eyes, the brushes up against each other. i just plain don't operate well without the comfort of my own room. i go into the steam room hoping to entice this huge man in after me. there's obviously sex going on to the right of me and a two guys sitting directly in front of me so i go to the left and wait to see if he follows me in. he does but goes directly to the sounds of sex and i can make out him dropping his towel. me, i never take my towel into the steam room. makes it that much easier. i notice one of the guys that was sitting down is actually one of the guys i'd been checking out in the halls. early forties i think. moustache, hairy chest, nice build not big enough to be what i consider a bear but i imagine with clothes on shirt open he probably does circulate the bear crowd. the oh so necessary tribal tattoo on his arm. i figure one day all these guys are going to wake up at once and say 'what was i thinking?'. i tell you right now, figure out some way to mask tribal tattoos now and you've made a million. he comes and sits down next to me with a big old hard on. i grab it immediately and fall in love at first sight with his cock. quickly i made myself comfortable in front of him and started sucking on it. i was obessed with getting his cock inside of me. as i hadn't planned on going to the tubs oral was going to be the only option for me. he was in no rush it seemed and was allowing me to work my wonder. work wonder i did. each time a little more and a little more of it in me. then banging on the back of my throat. i'd like to say i've mastered the art of fellatio but really it for me it depends on the cock and the situation. variables. usually i need him to give me that extra little shove to get it past the gag reflex. worked beautifully with him. i sort of grabbed his ass cheeks at the same time and the result was just enough pressure to get it beyond and into fucking my throat. it felt great but i wasn't able to keep it up. however, once i've started i can't stop so i'm down bouncing on it again and again he's fucking my throat. i'm hard as a rock and not even touching myself. i'm taking a breather from his cock all together when he says he's close to cumming. need i hear more. many years ago i decided oral sex was safe sex, i understand it's not but as it stands even condoms aren't 100%. i don't swallow cum everytime but this time i was having him shoot in my throat. it felt like he was fucking my throat and i was having him cum in it. of course i could only handle one shot and then i was watching the rest. his second shot (or third if i missed one) went up a couple inches and then he started with the cum just leaking out. i'm back on it slurping it all up. greedy little piggy. i was ready to jerk off right then and there with whatever cum i missed but i made the mistake of turning around and seeing quite a crowd. yes that's right gentleman, i was taking all of that cock down my throat, whose next? he thanked me and stood up, i quickly got out and showered and was followed to the dry steam room by two guys. at that point i should have called it a night and came home. i was high on that blowjob for awhile floating around the place. then slowly realizing it wasn't going to get better. i mean oral sex was all i could expect. i blew it all in one. lol. didn't get home until 4am when i could easily have been home by 2am. i was just getting back into a sensible sleep pattern and here i am waking up at noon. fack. 1:49 PM

Wednesday, December 03, 2003 currently in the middle of email tag with geek boy. neither of us can entertain and he dosen't want to go to the bathhouse. dosen't leave many options in the winter. really i should be nervous, at this point it has all indications of being a crush. on both sides i think. tonto. i've told him it's going to have to be at a bathhouse. i'm not going to pop for a hotel room and there aren't many other options. unless he wants to go to a theatre. lol. found a cigeratte in the apartment last night. had to smoke it. don't want them just lying around. i'll be playing cards tonight, i'm already admiting defeat to myself but we'll see. perhaps the second hand smoke will be enough. i know when i was smoking it usually was. as far as geek boy daniel goes i'm beginning to wonder. i understand not wanting to go back to the bathhouse but if he can't entertain why is it that he expects that i can. furthermore, we did meet in a bathhouse. bah 3:32 PM

well i got an email from "you want sex?", i think. the name on the email is different then the name he gave me, however it is a yahoo email address from mexico. makes sense with the spanish accent. i'll repeat the email in full: "what you doing bad boy?". i'm no bad boy. i conduct myself on the up and up. when he left yesterday i was going to the shower. wanted to know if i was leaving. really i had every intention of leaving but you know how it goes. he was grabbing me too, trying to pin down when he was going to see me again. from a skinny little geek boy. i checked my email constantly today wondering if i'd hear from him. last year when i was in puerto vallarta i met a charming gentleman that i spent my whole trip with. he was from guadalajara but spends a lot of time in vallarta. selling drugs it seemed to me. didn't catch on to that until the second night. made for a nice time. we kept in touch online for the past year, then when he found out i was going to hawaii he flipped. haven't heard from him since. i want a cigeratte right now. :) 12:36 AM

Tuesday, December 02, 2003 is there anything better then be being a tourist? sure, doing a tourist! did one tonight from the uk. i don't know where they get their bad reputation for sex from, it has always been my experience that guys from the uk were good sex. tonight would be my third that i've known. i wouldn't have guessed him as uk (new zealand) but after our encounter we were chatting. he commented on my skin tone to which i of course thanked hawaii. mahalo again. he said he'd been there once and loved it but the trek from the uk was too far, something about rather being shot into space. again with the crazy sleep last night, i had napped so i figured the resolve tonight was not to nap. bathhouse of course is a natural conclusion from that. superbad. got there a little before 6pm and returned home 12:30am, i should sleep tonight. when i got there i got undressed right away and began to prowl. turned a corner and there was a regular. the one who says my ass should be *worshipped* and he does. under the "how can something feel so good and be so gross at the same time" category: he'll fuck me and then rim me, repeatedly. not just baby licks either, he's right in there devouring my ass. next i did this great big muscle guy. hulky. his neck was very weird. it almost looked like he had a hunch back or a growth. not at all attractive but the rest of him was so big. i figured small dink but no it seemed like an alright cock, not hard but hey we can work on that. he did a lot of sucking. at one point i even touched the neck and it didn't even look that bad from the angle. there was a little mutual ass play and he asked if i had poppers. you hear that "popper whores"? finese the request for poppers, it shouldn't be the first thing out of your mouth. i had picked some up and they were in the locker so i pulled them out. i thought i saw him drooling when i took them out and he actually said 'new ones?'. he tied his cock off with string of some sort and all of sudden i notice it's really quite nice. 7-8 inches. he sucked on the poppers for what seemed like forever, i took a little whiff, and from there on in it was reduced to me sucking his cock. bah. he called a break when he could tell i wasn't interested in sucking his cock any longer. what's this? on my way to the shower i run into another regular. the one that recently it seems like i've been avoiding but it's not that case. he just seems to run into me at inoppurtune times. not tonight. he's got a huge cock and i marvel everytime that i can take it. 8-9 inches but really fat, i'm not one for guessing girth but this one is a stretcher. he's also hairy, which isn't that common in black guys. all work into nice sex. he pounds like a jackhammer and tonight came with me riding on top of him. at this point i did something i'm really ashamed of. someone saw me do it so the whole world may as well know. i took a juicy butt out of an ashtray and smoked it. and loved it too! i think also i can still say i smoked my last cigeratte in hawaii. rolling around in the gutter isn't the same as buying cigerattes. would you believe there was more? and i still haven't got to the guy from the uk. i started wandering the halls looking for hotties (and yes a glance was given to ashtrays, never bring this up again) when what should i find but a geek. oh come here little boy, fix my computer. all skinny and glasses and wearing his pants. he smiles, i'm beaming, he grabs me, i pulled him towards my room. such delicious fun. we kissed, he took his glasses off but i figure i can always get them back on him. kissing, cock rubbing, pants come off, a little more coaxing and underwear come off too. nice uncut dick, seems like a big head. a little cock sucking and back to cock rubbing. between my legs he asks "do you want sex?". how sweet, yes geekboy fuck my ass. puts on two condoms. fucks me nicely announces he's going to cum and i can feel it coming out. so glad he used two. we layed around kissing and giggling. many prodding questions from him which always bothers me at the bathhouse but with him i don't mind. he accuses me of wanting to nap. i kick it back up. i start going for his cock, then make for fucky fucky again and he says "you want more sex?", could there be anything cuter? with a spanish accent to boot. yes i want sex give it to me now! two more condoms and away we go. missionary (god bless) this time and he fucks like a charm. i cum but it dosen't shoot like i expect, it just keeps oozing and oozing and he keeps fucking and fucking. bliss. he plays with my cum a bit and then shoots another load inside of me. unfortunately i didn't feel it that time. wants my phone number but i give him my email address. we'll see. two more uneventful sessions when the british guy walks by room. a couple times. mind you the guy across the hall on his belly is getting a glance to. then i notice the guy is just standing a bit out of my view, slowly building up to full view. he comes in. he's got grey hairs and he's big like he used to work out but dosen't anymore. nice. decent cock. keeps trying to fuck me without a condom. finally i put one on him and away we go. would you believe i came a second time, i hardly do myself. mind you it was a small amount. and i let him continue to fuck me after i cum! tramp. he cums, we have our short conversation & i leave. it's good to be home. 1:33 AM