Monday, October 25, 2004
gay sex and what is happening between carlos and yours truly are two different things. furthermore, i consider calling someone at 6am a guerilla tactic. the first time the phone rang i didn't wake up in time to answer it but i got to the phone and the phone said 'new call' instead of telling me the number, this is was usually happens when carlos calls.
first thing he says to me 'fuck you'. nice. 'what are you doing?' and i'm still trying to wake up and say espanol 'no puedo despertar'. then he says 'who are you sleeping with' to which i can honestly reply no one. note: when i was there we both upfront about our 'casual' outlook on gay sex. 'fuck you' again. then he starts to tell me how much he loves me and how much he misses me. not in a good way and i don't repeat these things to him. then he tells me 'i hope you can find someone who makes you happy' to which i say 'your my man'. honestly, he's younger then me and calls me 'boy' what else can i say?
'this is the last time i will call you, it's better to say good-bye, this is impossible'. a back and forth begins and i notice he is repeating some lines verbatim. i call him on it, my little head was awake, and ask him if he's reading from his journal to me, as he's told me a number of times he keeps a journal. not once did i mention my blog though, how do you say blog espanol?
a number of times the line went dead but he called back. still he would listen to nothing i had to say. i've offered to send him the money to come to me but he says 'do you know how many people say that' and i ask him how many. we have both cried openly, him somewhere on a street in puerto vallarta. the conversation comes to end and not at all to my liking.
i have not heard from him since. today i bought a calling card and am going to call him at work even though i have many reservations about that. i checked out my options today for going down there, i can't afford any of them, so just let me say one more time, god bless my travel agent or i'd never have been anywhere in the world.
fuck.
1:04 AM
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