Wednesday, January 28, 2004 last night i was flipping through the channels and came across "o fantasma". i read the blurb about following the sexual exploits of a trashman who becomes obbessed with a motorcyclist. as soon as i tuned this humpy man was playing with himself with a pair of heavy duty gloves. i've instantly forgotten i was watching 'everybody loves raymond' (i certainly do and if i was debra i'd be giving it to ray whenever he wanted) and start wondering what i've missed in the film. i missed about 20 minutes i think and i've read people talking about the movie being exciting in the first 20 minutes and down hill after that since having watched the film. it had a decidely foreign feel to it but it wasn't until i had watched it for a time that the subtitles appeared. definetly very visual. and quite graphic that ricardo meneses starts licking his lips in a public restroom at one point and shortly after is getting sucked off. joy of joys we see the actual cocksucking! i must see the first 20 minutes!!! in that picture there he's licking the shower wall where the object of his affections had showered. did i mention graphic? he goes to work one day with marks on his neck from the shower cord. a little auto erotic aphyxiation while jerking off leaves it's trail. a scene i found incredibly intense. i was a little perplexed near the end. he actually kidnaps his motorcyclist and then ends up leaving on the side of the road after some heavy duty frottage and a little kicking. all the while staying in his full body rubber suit. at one point later on he unzips his backside to do his dirty business and he's pointed towards the camera and it's almost as if they want us to look away. i couldn't, i wanted to see more of his ass. he decides to move out of the camera's view though. i've since read this actor moved back to his small town after filming this because he couldn't get a part in the director's next movie. i need to do some filming in portugal, does he have an agent? 2:50 PM

Tuesday, January 27, 2004 most exciting, saturday my weeks of abstaining were up. yesterday i made up for it with a bang. broke in the tasty bathhouse pass. a monday afternoon? i had no expectations and so was more then surprised. made it into the steam room pretty fast. out in the halls i had already been aggressively cruised by a guy, who of course followed me into the steam room but the abruptly left. soaking in it and the gentleman in the room across from me approaches me. sits down next to me and starts playing with my dick before i can start with his he's down on the ground sucking me off. a good cocksucker so i relax and enjoy it. two other guys come over and watch, neither have dicks worth mentioning. aggressive cruiser returns and starts honing in on me. first guy is sucking my cock nicely and cruiser seems to be running interference. he's sucking on my cock and he's not good at it all. fortunatley first guy thinks of me as his territory and latches back on my dick. cruiser starts working on my nipples, painfully. i'm shooing him away but to no success. my cocksucker stops and leaves. no reason for me to stay. back in my room the cock sucker asks if he can come and finish what we started. i say sure but think to myself "uh oh". just because we started something dosen't mean we are going to finish it as well. he starts in on my dick again and makes it difficult for me to try anything on him. fine, i just lay back and for what seems like a very long time. then he starts the inevitable: "are you close?" "i want to see you cum". in fact i think i was close before he started that shit. he grows weary of sucking my cock and leaves. i head to the showers. in the dry sauna another guy starts pulling on my dick and aggressive cruiser shows up, once the yanker starts engaging him i take it as a cue to leave. i'm not fond of playing in the dry sauna. it seems to me just about anyone can walk in there and i'm not one for putting on a show. while i had showered i had noticed a guy i instantly wanted to have inside me. looked a like filthy fucker. nice big dick and a solar panel for the sex machine. i do a quick perusal of the place hoping to find him, i don't so set up shop in my room. a cute hispanic guy wearing a red knitted cap that i had noticed early walks by room. i notice alot of guys seem to be following him. he comes back to my room and comes in leaving the door open. as a general rule that means nothing is going to happen on my part. he comes in and starts playing with my dick through my towel, the guy from the dry sauna comes in the room and then the guy who had been sucking my cock earlier and before i knew it we were all engaged in some form or another of cocksucking. the door is still open and aggressive bad cocksucker comes to the door and start on the guy closest to him. by this time there is quite an audience out in the hall and solar panel is one of them. i want to yell out get in here but we do lock eyes, he leaves. aggressive guy get pushed out of the room and it's just the 4 of us with the door shut. the hispanic guy has a large dick and all i can think of is shoving it in me. i think he has the same thought as he is fingering my hole. the yanker from the dry sauna pulls his load off and leaves. and then there were two. the excellent cocksucker puts a condom on and starts fucking my ass. i'm sucking on the hispanic guy but he seems to be close to cumming and keeps stopping me. fucker stops, pulls out another condom and puts it on the hispanic guy. he fucks me while i'm on all fours sucking off the cocksucker. dosen't take long and cocksucker is shooting a load all over me. so hot, cum on me and a big dick in me, i cum too. right after i'm finished dumping my load the hispanic guy cums as well. the hispanic guy asks me for a cigeratte and the cocksucker asks if i came. getting the cigeratte and i answer yes. then the cocksucker goes into some tirade about how he hopes i did cum and that i must be into some sort of 'tantric yoga sex', ya right, i'm done, get out of my room. check out the two videos in this buttmachine boys gallery. hot hot fucking hot. 9:52 AM

Saturday, January 24, 2004 duncan tied one on last night and is suffering for it this morning. i'm further concerned that there will be more ramifactions from last evening. one of the dancers and i met up at work for cocktails. i believe the intent was we'd have a drink there and head out. we ended up having three. and when i fell on the floor i drank more. it must be said: drinking at one's place of work can never be wise. a stripper was there (i can't possibly refer to him as a dancer as he dosen't even make an attempt to dance, well, unless tweaking your nipples to the beat of the music counts as dancing) and didn't recognize me. came at me for a lapdance. bah. i practically bahed him to his face. my drinking partner and i headed to an after hours spot. ran into many people we knew. he was getting hit on by strangers left and right and introducing me as his boyfriend. i felt like such an ugly duckling. people don't want me they want my boyfriend. we stuck to each other like glue. i disappeared a couple times to give him the chance to explore his options though he didn't seem to want to. i've said it before and i'll say it again right now gay sex is all about ass play. yes everything else is just fine, case in point. nearing the end of the night dancer and i were just standing next to each other and our arms were touching. it was driving me crazy. something that simple was getting me off. no, perhaps not getting me off, but was satisfying. i didn't have to bump the nasties with him as long as i could touch him. i know, i'm utterly depraved. 11:07 AM

Thursday, January 22, 2004 they seem to have no shortage of models for the butt machine boys. (small note: i am not at all interested in that spinning one in the second video in that link...yikes!) if i fancy being a model as well i better hop to it. soon they'll be charging guys to do it! i made the mistake of pointing one of the dancers at work to the site and he's interested as well. competition can't be good. i wish i could afford a buttmachine of my own. really all i want is the chance to play with one of the machines. get my ass fucked good & hard. i have one other fear. the model from the gallery before...this is his butt machine videos...i don't want to sound like that. he's cute and all, i'd pound his ass and wouldn't think twice of the noise. do i want to be making the noises that emanate from me while getting fucked on tape for all to hear. sometimes when alone with the dildo the blue streak that can come out of my mouth is almost laughable. years ago a friend told me about one of his tricks (a hottie i wanted for myself no less) who would say "fuck me you fucker"! we both found this hillarious and it entered our vernacular. well i'm loathe to admit i have caught myself telling the fucker to fuck me, mind you i am talking to the dildo. never once have i called a guy fucking me a fucker. though if he's fucking me good fuck does come out of my mouth alot. one more butt machine boys gallery. the boy in the pictures, very tasty. the machine in the first video...the one that man fucks. can i have both at once or would i short circuit the west coast? 10:04 AM

Tuesday, January 20, 2004 a trick from a few weeks back emailed me today. wants to get together again. when we met at the bath house he'd asked me for my phone number. i gave him the email address. it was good sex. in fact it was very good sex. he fucked me a couple of times. i had gotten there and hooked up with him right away. after a bit of foreplay he asked if i liked to bottom. from the moment he came in and i started playing with his already hard cock i had wanted him to fuck me. fucked me nicely, came and left. i went about my business, showering, strolling a bit and returned to my room for a cigeratte. he appeared at the door and asked if i wanted to "go at it again". we did. now the first time he had kept me on my belly. which meant no masturbation for me. this second time he again kept me on my belly. however, he was a smaller guy then me and i was able to lift myself up and create the double backed monster. fun. still technically no masturbation for me. we went at for some time and then he asked if i was ok, to which i replied yes and then he told me he loves to fuck after he's cum...can i fuck for a long time? ha! we go at it for longer and then he asks if he can take a smoke break and come back. sure. i take this as an oppurtunity to shower and such. sure, i slid a little personal masurbation time in too. returned to my room and had a cigeratte myself. hadn't even begun to wonder if he'd come back to the room when there he was at the door. hard on evident in his towel. nice. this time i position myself on my back. it dosen't last long, we move around a bit and he's got me on my belly again. it goes like that for awhile, i wiggle myself out hoping for another position when he asks me if i like to fuck as well. you bet. alas, he asks to sit on it. i attempt it but he has a hard time getting it in and i lose my hard on. he lies down on his back, i play with his hole a bit and decide he's probably not clean. fortunately he decides to snap another condom on him. at this point i decide i want to get off. it was a lot of delicious fucking but lying on my belly the whole time becomes dull. in fact it became a bit of a game for me manouvering him into other positions. i end up cumming while he is on my back though. mind you, i have him practically lifted off the bed as i'm jerking myself. the drag being i don't get to see my cumshot. as i recall the sheet was quite covered. i let him fuck me some after i cum even though at this point my ass is totally opposed to the idea. eventually he asks for an exchange of numbers at which point i lied and said i didn't have a phone. now i don't have a phone so it dosen't seem so bad, prophetic if you will. i gave him my email not expecting to hear from him. then today asking when i'm free. i don't know though. are we going to meet up at the bathhouse again, his place, my place? bathhouse repeats are almost always a hazard aren't they? now all this being said, if only he had had a larger cock. 11:48 AM

Saturday, January 17, 2004 i have recieved the blessed sacrament. my mother used to say nothing good would come from working in bars. o ye of little faith. i was given an employee pass to a bathhouse. let's take it one step further. not just any bathhouse but the one i frequent the most. stop and ponder this one. last week i was telling myself i had to quit smoking or quit going to the bathhouse. now i've been given a pass to the bathhouse good until june this year. like a 'get out of jail free card' except the jail is tastygood and i'll want to go there instead of passing go. does it get better then this? 2:25 PM

Thursday, January 15, 2004 maybe it's not gay sex per se but hello hello sign me up. look at how that things fucks him. sweet. 12:55 PM

i've said it before and i'll say it again "gay sex is the best". i'm gay and i'm not going to stop having sex with men. sure, i'll have sex with a woman again but her hot boyfriend is going to be playing to. now with my preference for gay sex clearly stated i've got some tasty straight porn to show you. :) with my recent bout with the clap i've had to curtail my "gay sex" sex life and have been enjoying the company of me. julian rios aka jordan rivers. i mean he's perfect. if all i can do is watch him fuck chicks then i will make myself happy watching him fuck chicks. i've read online that he's come out with a dildo, so i could watch him give it to the girl while he was inside of me. has anyone told him how good it feels to be him while he's inside of me (sorry enrique i love you too you just don't do enough porn). seriously though, i tried to find the julian rios dildo and couldn't. i don't know how much money he's making being a straight porn star obviously it's more then as a gay porn star as he's putting that behind him. still, i think he could make it easier for his gay fans to access him. bah, just make it easier for me to get at him. again, i must repeat, it is a gay blog about gay sex and i'm all for gay sex. so who is this guy? i can't be the only fag watching straight porn. we must be something of an audience. a demographic. i don't care what the chicks name is, tell me what his name is and where i can find more of him. he looks like an absolutely delicious fuck to me. it was in these clips that i had decided i've found a new lover. in particular that third video when he takes his dick out and looks at the camera. who was that for? why me of course! how much is it going to cost to get this guy to make some gay porn with me? more importantly, whose going to pay that price? and on a final note. is there a 2 for 1 deal? 10:38 AM

Sunday, January 11, 2004 butt machine boys now that i'm single my mind turns to the butt machine. i'm fascinated by what it would be like to have one of these machines. so much so that i want to be a model. i showed a friend the site once and he was very clinical about it. telling me how they built the machines. sweet i think, he's mechanically inclined, let's make one up. unfortunately he wasn't so interested in building one. it was even in my intent in showing the site to him. however, now i think of a straight friend i have who is more mechanically inclined...i should run the idea by him. in fact, his wife has said she'll get me a sillicon dildo for my birthday. these guys already have the machines ready for me though. i'm imagining a butt machine gang bang. i can't tell you how often i wear my arms ragged with the dildoes and jerking off. with the machines i'll just have to adjust the controls. i don't doubt that i might break one. :) 3:01 PM

Saturday, January 10, 2004 joy of joys i know why i haven't been feeling well. duncan has the dose yet again. so freaking disgusting. i thought it was the flu or a cold, thought it was over until yesterday and the telltale signs in my underwear. it seems to me it just has to be in the same room as me and i get it. fortunately there is a walk-in clinic close by. 8:53 AM

Thursday, January 08, 2004 so interesting note about the new place... out back there is an alleyway. a number of times i've gone back there (to dump the garbage) and noted some youngins smoking a joint. sometimes it seems maybe there just hanging out, but i assume they've just finished a joint or are getting ready to smoke one as i see them smoking more often then not. today i take the garbage out and see a guy getting head from a girl. i'm shocked! he sees me and smiles. more like a smirk i guess. i look away but can't keep that up. on my way back up the stairs he moves a bit, purposely, so i can see his dick. very large indeed. ugly girl too. i want to ask him up for a drink and a toke but really can i do that and leave her out in the cold? 10:07 PM

Wednesday, January 07, 2004 went to the tubs yesterday to steam. i had no intention of having sex at all. i feel something coming on and i thought i would sweat it out. when i got there i went directly to the steam room, not even noticing my fellow patrons. stayed in the steam room for as long as i could with the plan of cooling off and the going back for more. went to my room and a gentleman with all his clothes on followed me into my room and closed the door behind himself. as a general rule i don't allow guys into my room who are wearing clothes. the main reason for that is i have to wait for them to put their clothes back on when leaving. however he did shut the door behind himself. i didn't say anything. i guess i wasn't feeling as bad as i thought. he pulled out his cock and it was already hard. also a nice size. asked me if i wanted to play with it. i latched on. as far as deep throating goes i need a little bit of assistance. it seems to me i can get a cock in as far i can take it and then if he pushes it past that point i'm fine. he picked up on this and was fucking my throat. he also started saying "let me fuck your throat man". i took a breather and he took off his shirt. he had a delicious chest and it was covered in curly wiry hair. it was great to rub. he was also pale as a ghost, which makes me feel darker then i am. a delight. i started sucking on his cock again and he started playing with my dick. then slowly it seemed to me he worked down to my ass. when he had finally got down there proper and was doing all the right things i realized i didn't have condoms or lube with me. honestly, i wasn't going to have sex. he stood up and took off his shoes and pants. fortunately i noticed him take condoms and lube out of his pants. he climbed on top of me and we got down to some serious frottage. he got me lying on my belly and put on a condom. like i said, i wasn't expecting sex and hadn't prepared myself at all for bum sex. at this point i was willing to take the chance. he slid in nicely. i'd say we had a couple minutes of fucking before i felt it necessary to check and see if i was clean. wiggled out from under him and flipped him over. all good and so i started bouncing on him. it seemed to me we were equally aggresive and every position was tried. i got some tasty shots of his ass fucking me while looking in the mirror, always a plus. it seemed to me it would never stop but unfortunately that can never be the case. he pulled out and came all over my chest. i didn't mind waiting for him to put his clothes on. then walking to the showers i love having cum dripping all over me. a form of validation. had another steam and headed home. still feel like somethings coming on today though. 10:12 AM

Friday, January 02, 2004 a friend was recently messaged by a guy in gaydar and he sent me the link to the guy, telling me to 'check out who just messaged him'. i did. first i thought cute, then i thought old pics and then i wondered about 1 leg. calculating in my heads what the chances were for me. there 5 or 6 pictures maybe more, enough that you got an idea, a naked one as well. i'm thinking attractive but in a 1970's 80's calvin klien porno digs. the hair was not of the nineties on. clearly he was in his 20's in these pics but today? who knows. only having one leg i imagine the possibilities for fucking. fucking him, having him fuck me. logisitics. the pics not being current worries me. the fact that he was attractive plus his uniquness = ? i tell friend i'm a bit concerned about how old the pics are and he freaks out. starts caps locking me with "he only has one leg". i point out i'd be more concerned about the pics. he starts going in to how he has a "phobia about amputees". isn't "phobia about amputees" just amputeephobia? clearly he thinks this is ok. i discussed my phobia with him...stairs and tried to point out the difference between our phobias. further more i expressed an interest in amputees. the bruce la bruce film bla bla bla i don't remember. this freaked him out even more. i question my interest in him. 12:43 PM