Saturday, February 28, 2004 i already have to make a decision as to whether or not i'll go to hawaii again this year. my friend has booked a hotel for the whole month of november and i need to decide on my dates. one whole month! unfortunately i just don't think any time is going to be possible this year. i'm still paying off last years visit. oh the variables. 1:18 PM

Thursday, February 26, 2004 yesterday i pulled a nooner at the bathhouse. i was really just looking to get out of the apartment. figured i'd go and get a tv room. took dildo 'ben' with me and a new bottle of poppers. went to one of the bathhouses i don't usually frequent, not even sure why i chose it. as soon as i got there i had two guys force their way into my room one after the other. each of them had to be *forced* out. i try to be diplomatic and not burn bridges. i usually say something like 'i'm ok right now' with the right now implying maybe later. even though we both of these guys it wasn't going to happen at any time. the first one continued right into my room after i said 'i'm ok right now' and started grabbing my nipple and saying something about my body. i grabbed his hand almost instantly and pushed down. very rude of him to touch me without getting the ok i think and furthermore touching my nipples is pretty much off the table. they have to be handled a certain way and most guys just don't know how, but that's another story. he says to me apologetically he'd just like to lie next to me which is when i stand up and start pushing him towards the door. i say i'm not interested and he's out of the room. he tells me he's just across the hall if i change my mind but i've turned my back on him as i go to sit back down on my bed. as i'm sitting another guy has walked right into my room and is putting his hand on my shoulder. i pick it up and tell him 'i'm ok thank you' to which he says 'i know your fabulous'. i say with disgust 'right' and stand up again. he dosen't want to leave and starts talking about sucking on my cock and begins grabbing at my towel. i step away and tell him to get out of my room. i get up and go for a walk around, don't see much but run into him again and he says 'changed your mind?', i walk right past him. back to the room and ben. i watch some porn and i'm having a grand time. figure i'll get ready for some guy to fuck me. i end up spilling the poppers. which isn't so bad. got quite a rush from them. mind you when that wore off i realized my room was going to reek of poppers. yikes. cleaned myself up, sucked off a black guy who came all over me so back for another quick clean up. he had his own poppers to boot! then a fuck friend appeared and did the nasty on my ass. very perfuctionary it seemed but we both came. he asked me for some change for a drink. i lied and said i had none. 1:03 PM

Monday, February 23, 2004 if your having a birthday in the next year allow me to wish you a happy birthday! for my birthday, yes today, i'm planning on spending the day at the bathhouse walking around in my birthday suit. was trying to get me some special k for the event but was unsuccesful. i discovered a lot of my friends look down on k. as if i'm huffing glue or something. geesh. i've got some e but i'm not really interested in all the after affects, in fact i should pawn the e off on someone else. while were on the drug talk. my bottle of ethyl mysteriously emptied itself and changed it's location. i wonder what that's about. now for some birthday cock. 8:44 AM

Saturday, February 21, 2004 found my new boyfriend at brucelabruce.com. look at those lips. how could i not be in love? if that's not enough check out his cock, sure the black sheep is in the way but you get the picture. tasty. i've seen this guy in a solo jerk off somewhere as well. i'll content myself with the photos for now with the knowledge that somewhere out there my boyfriend is doing porn for me. ;) 9:50 AM

Thursday, February 19, 2004 last night was card night and i got a wee bit tipsy on red wine. tried my luck online. got messaged from a guy in hotel that i can see from my window. seemed like providence. unfortunatley it seems i asked too many questions or he found someone else during the whole process. could be any number of reasons i don't know but just as i was ready to head across the street i stopped hearing from him. ended up going to a porno theatre. one of the exclusively gay ones here that i've frequented now for almost 10 years. within the last year they had opened a new area that was just a maze. i always seemed to be just a little nervous in the maze. the only sound in it would be the shuffle of feet or sex, was dark and with me usually being stoned or drunk i would usually walk in and walk right back out. not that i'm afraid of the dark but what might pop out of the dark. they've changed the maze around a bit and added a projection tv screen. i absolutely loved it. mind you the whole area still made me nervous. they've got a number of booths there with glory holes. i ended up watching two guys go at it by peeking into the glory holes in there respective booths. watching the one guy fuck his glory hole was making me very hot. i could have at any point reached out and started stroking his ass. i had the ethyl with me and was being discreet, popping into an adjoining booth to spray it. actually i had been hoping for another glory hole but used it as an oppurtunity to give her. i was in traffic area when i was peeping into the glory hole and was obviously drawing attention to the fact that something was going on in these booths. started playing with myself through my jeans and doing the ethyl right there. apparently the other guy came or was done cause the guy i was peeping on was pulling up his pants and putting his shirt on when he noticed me looking in. he didn't offer me his dick so i moved on before he could get out of the booth. he ended up following me into the cinema maze. we went behind the screen and he started sucking on my dick. another guy came with us and he started jerking off behind me. occasionally bouncing body parts on me. was a good cock sucker and went at it for quite some time. i actually thought i might cum in his mouth but held off as i thought that might lower my chances of sucking him off. eventually he stood up and i played with his dick a bit and then immediately got down on it. i'd say instead of sucking him off he was fucking my face, at one point i actually crading my head in his arms as he pummeled it. delicious. i could fill him building up to cum and i shot my own load. spilling yet another load on the floor of a porno theatre. spit his cum out as well. a crowd had developed and i wanted them to know he had cum. i assume no one realized i had. 12:59 PM

Tuesday, February 17, 2004 i went to see the dreamers today. i'd read a review in one of the weekend papers about it, one thing grabbed my attention in the review. lots of chatter about sex so of course that piques my interest. the stand out in this particular review was that one of the characters jerks off to a picture of marlene dietrich. i had an image in mind and it involved this particular picture of marlene. to me, it almost evoked a kind of *perfect* gay sex. when i was in my teens i used to buy gay porn magazines. yes, underage! i must have been so audacious they either didn't think to ask me for id or felt for my predicament(trapped in a small *city*). anywho, i'm fairly certain the magazine i'm thinking of is in touch for men. there was a comic in it where a guy was having sex with another guy but imagining sex with madonna and the guy he was having the sex with was thinking 'this guy's a stud' and then in the next frame he was actually having sex with madonna but imagining sucking himself off and madonna was also thinking he was hot sex. i didn't necessarily understand the cartoon then and don't pretend to know what it meant know however the image stuck with me. the idea of a guy masturbating to a marlene dietrich picture reminded me of that cartoon. the whole idea seemed quite exciting to me. i believe the review even went so far as to say the camera was unflinching during this scene. geez, even the name of the film grabbed me. i was expecting great sex. clips from older black and white films are cut into the film. like a form of visual sampling. a very similar effect to sampling in music, i enjoyed it. eventually the sampling stopped unfortunately. the jerk off scene to marlene dietrich was not the visual i had created for myself. walking through the mall on the way home the music coming through the different stores was like a sampling of my life. i've forgotten what songs i heard except for nasty girl by vanity 6. still it seemed profound. i came home and listened to love will tear us apart by joy division and jerked off while looking at the album cover. 12:15 AM

Sunday, February 15, 2004 i've been sick as a dog since friday. at work on friday it felt like there was something crawling around in my innards. many gerbilling jokes. i said there was no way it was a gerbil, it's been 3 months since i've gerbilled and there was no way he could survive that long. shortly after that i started exploding. which is fun at work. every 4 minutes i have to be in the dj booth to put on a new song. tried training my manager to dj in under 1 minute, didn't work. today has been the first day i've eaten since then. i'm thinking now it was a mistake. just have to get through work today and i'm off for three days. 9:47 AM

Friday, February 13, 2004 worked with a new dancer yesterday. met him last week and instantly wanted to see his dick, well and hopefully feel it in my ass. the joys of working in a strip club. just had to wait for him to be working one of my shifts. it was beautiful, where they came up with the name one-eyed monster. thick and uncut, with just a bit of the eye peeking out of the skin. the waiter tipped him and told me it his face in the process. all he could say was it felt heavy. he asked me to play 'circuit' music but nothing that would make him look 'queeny'. no one's going to notice anything else when he's naked. 1:12 PM

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 i've been thinking a lot recently about this guy i fisted awhile ago. i say fisted but really i just got my fist in his ass, there wasn't a lot of in out motion. i wonder if it was a first for him or part of his routine. i think this cause recently i thought someone was trying to fist me. turns out it was only two fingers however it sure felt like he was trying the whole thing. i had been fucking this guy and fingering him had been part of the build up to fucking him. if i'm going to top i need that sense of loosening someone up be it with my fingers or my tongue. i know we had been playing for a long time, i'm also quite certain he didn't ask me to fist him. i just gradually worked it in there. it's not uncommon for to avoid any type of conversation with someone i have sex with. and really, is it cool to ask someone if that was the first time they took a fist. furthermore, why is it when i think about fisting i imagine doing it on a park bench? 3:56 PM

Tuesday, February 10, 2004 get to the bathhouse and before i can even say what for i've got a guy in my room. very aggressive. gets right up with his cock in my face and as soon as it's hard he's putting a condom on. right on! unfortunately it just isn't working for me. he's a nasty little fucker and it hurts. or at least that's what i tell him. he was slapping my ass and not just little cracks at it. sure, i love the ass slapping but you better be telling me what a naughty boy i am while your doing it! after that i get two talkers in a row. one i found attractive in that 'i may be scrawny but i've got a huge cock' way and the other a cute twink that did absolutely nothing for me. twink had actually been at the bathhouse for 12 hours when he came into to talk to me. scrawny pops by my door a couple times and each time makes some comment. i'm thinking you could have had me the first time you silly bastard. comes in again and asks if he can 'indulge' me. yay! i'm thinking a little booger sugar, in fact what he meant was a foot massage. with the door open no less. you want to rub my feet and tell me how beautiful they are go right ahead. realize i'm going to continue cruising however if the door is left open. can't even begin to imagine what the guys who walked by were thinking. he asks if he can rub the other foot too and i acquiesce but ask him to close the door as well. oh oh. as soon as the door is closed he starts rubbing on the other foot and sucking on it. proof of his large cock appears in the form of a tent in his towel. he works his way up and starts sucking on my cock too. nicely i might add. works his way down to my ass and i start wondering if there's a connection between these foot lovers and ass rimming. if i get my feet licked it usually follows i'm going to get my ass licked to. no complaints! he tells me he wants to 'penetrate' me. which dosen't last long due to his 'excited state', his words. keeps thanking me afterwards, over and over. ya ya your welcome. don't want to run into him in the showers so i jerk off for a bit and play with the ethyl. head for the showers and what should i come upon. he's in another guys room rubbing his feet. lol. my regular who *worships* my ass is there and comes into my room. the dear sweet boy who fucks me and then rims me. not enough of the dirty talk. this is the guy whose driven me crazy with his talk, painting whole scenarios. i was ready one time to get my clothes on and go out and fuck with him anywhere he wanted in public as that was what he was talking about. same guy who talks about watching me shit. also has commented a number of times on how clean i am. it's a decided effort to be clean and acknowledgement is always nice. my ass is really a bit sore by this time and i cum pretty quickly. he tells me i get more beautiful each time he sees me (*blush*) and says i can't begin to imagine how much he enjoys pleasing me. i don't think he appreciates just how far i'd like to go to please him. 5:03 PM

Monday, February 09, 2004 choice number one wasn't available yesterday. last night the roommate tells me he's going out of town for a few days today. i think i'll take the night off as i'm going to have the apartment to myself for who knows what sorts of debauchery, what with my penchant for buggery and all. wake up today and get into the online cruise and set my ad up to entertain the denizens at which point the roommate walks in and tells me he isn't leaving. i haven't bought a bottle of poppers this year and i'm out of pot. instead of going directly to the bathhouse i'll stop and pick up poppers and ethyl. furthermore, i'm going to do something i never do as i think of it as jinx. i'm taking a dildo with me. fuck it. perhaps i'll get one of those fancy tv rooms so i can bitch about the porn. the buttmachineboys are up to it again. 2:02 PM

Sunday, February 08, 2004 spent the afternoon perusing the online meat market. figure i might be able to line me up some hot man sex for after work. get a couple bites that actually interest me. one a hairy brute of a man right out of the 1970's. only in town until wednesday. we'll call him choice number one. choice number two is local. ask my online dancer buddy who also surfs the same site as me if he's familliar with him. he is. as a client. tells me to get some money out of it. lol. "do you have enough for me to take a cab home?" sure, sometimes i think i should be presenting a bill for services rendered but to bring it up in advance? perhaps he'll tip me. he's asking for more pictures though, always a piss off for me. i've got three pictures up all of which are clear and recent. i've seen this guys pics for at least a year. told him i'd have to seen more pics of him before he saw more pics of me. no word back. told choice number one i'm available this evening and for the next two days. we'll see what happens... 2:23 PM

Wednesday, February 04, 2004 went to a different bathhouse last night. sort of out of the way and smaller but usually crawling with big burly tops grumbling for a bottom. as i turn the corner i notice a gentleman standing out front of it, looks like a regular to me and i wonder if he's coming or going. turns out he was coming in as well and it wasn't my regular but looked like he could be fun. on my way to my room i saw two other guys. one an older black muscleman and my ass twitches as soon as i see him. do my regular routine, quick shower and into the steam room. the guy with the shaved head who came in with me is in there, we check each other out and i take a seat. he leaves after a couple minutes and i wait a bit before also leaving. settle into my room and wonder where the black man is. shaved head comes into my room and shuts the door. automatically starts on me with his mouth. he begins with the nipples and works down to my cock. nothing spectacular. he makes for my ass and i bend my knees making it easier for him to get at it. at first he's only tentatively rimming me but once he discovers how sweet my hole is he's digging right in. i start playing with myself and thinking of the black guy who is somewhere on the other side of the door waiting to fuck my ass. shaved head is also making love to the bottom of my feet. at this point i wonder about his cock, perhaps he's warming me up for a good fucking too. he's hard, with a cock ring on and hasn't been touching himself. i get on all fours start sucking him off and playing with my ass bit. you know the old come and get me big boy manoeuver. alas we get back to him eating my ass out but not penetrating my hole. i have had enough of thinking about the black man pounding my ass and this guy kissing my ass, i extricate myself. he leaves but before that tries to kiss me. on the mouth! i was getting freaky enough about him licking my feet and then kissing my ass. i've been walking around in a bathhouse. it feels so good though i can't stop him from eating me out but kissing me? that's different. he tells me to take care of myself. i shower and stroll through the place. making note that i see no one now. i have a cigeratte in my room and only one person walks by...shaved head. as i leave the attendant shrugs his shoulder and grins. yes, it would seem i'm the only person there. didn't want to ask. it's the shame about this particular bathhouse but sometimes i've gone and had the best sex with the only other guy that was there. not this time. walk home and pass out. i'm now trying to sell my perfectly good computer in excellent working condition. fucking thing. 5:54 PM

Tuesday, February 03, 2004 duncan kicks himself severly. yesterday i ran into one of the strippers on the street. the one that i had sex with before he started working there and who didn't remember. now i'm sure he didn't remember as i told him we had had sex. he said no. i dropped it at that but he kept asking questions, i gave the most evasive answers i could. i got a new dvd burner last week. i've been able to succesfully burn data onto dvd but as of yet no movies. each day i try something different and just keeping plugging away at it. i mention this to said male dancer and former fuck mate. he tells me he's a whiz at computers. here's where duncan makes his big mistake. i was at my whit's end and thought perhaps he could do something. little did i know. for a total of 2 minutes he was in front of my poor sweet compy and then he says he has to leave. shortly after that i discover i can't access either of my hard drives. i run ad-aware and it finds all sorts of shit. something called DyFukA. great. i spend 12 hours trying to fix it, finally i format and start fresh. now i'm at a total loss. my computer is not even recognizing the dvd-burner as a burner. fackity fack. on an upnote, i took a break from all this to cruise online. hooked up with one half of the couple from about a month ago. messaged me and said the other half was out, would i like to come over. i agree even though i'm not sure which one it's going to be. ooops. it's the one with the big dick but useless cause every 30 seconds he's like 'you've got me close'. i end up basically just sitting still on his cock and let him jerk me off. a nice break all and all. 10:52 PM

Monday, February 02, 2004 turns out now my free pass to the bathhouse is useless. they had sent a dozen to the bar and some of them were stolen from the office. whoever stole them wasn't very smart either. five people went into the bathhouse at the same time using passes from our bar. nice. so they revoked them all. now i'm just part of the regular society who has to pay to get in. it's because i bragged about it to so many different people! or there is the possibilty that someone said 'that boy there is one of our biggest moneymakers, why he got a pass?'. worse, now i feel i can't go back there, well not right away anyway. tried some online cruising last night. fuckers. was chatting up 3 guys, 1 i was right ready for, very hot in a european way, a top and looking to take charge. drawback...he wanted me to greet him on all fours and naked. just wasn't going to happen and it was too bad. i had the other 2 going and i let him slide after that request but after awhile i thought to myself i should have just done it. one of the other guys had a nice looking cock & a big hairy body but was ugly as sin. i could forgive that i thought. we had gone through all the preliminaries so i asked him how long it would take to get to my place. tells me 20-30 minutes but he's going to bed and gives me his email address if i'm still interested. after stringing me along, ya i'm still interested. the third guy, says in his ad versatile-bottom, that's me, but i figure we can make do. hey i've got 2 double-ended dildoes right? we seem to be making out just fine, ask him if he wants to come over as he says entertain in his ad. sure, that's doable he says then asks how old i am! he's seen three pics of me by this point, two of them face pics, one a picture of my torso and tasty cock and he's asking how old i am. no big deal you think? i say how old i am in the ad. i blocked him. i mean if your not reading my ad what's the point? it was at that point i started to think sure i'll greet him naked and on all fours, i'll just plug away at myself with the dildoe till he gets here. bah. 2:13 PM