Saturday, January 08, 2005
no gay sex but still i feel have much to report.
the official countdown has begun to puerto vallarta, 20 days. though i don't mention carlos much (we're not really having sex at this point) i do talk to him every day. okay, maybe not everyday but 5 days out of the week we talk. we talk online quite a bit and i almost always have my webcam turned on. i don't get to see him as often because the cafe he goes to only has one computer with a webcam and it's often not available. i've spent countless dollars on phone cards as well.
don't think the thought of selling everything i have hasn't crossed my mind. carlos wants to come here instead though, and the current plan is he does come here in the spring. after high season in vallarta. we'll see though. which is what he often says "we'll see" and then explains to me how he's a realist. i don't let on that i too am skeptical. in all honesty we will see. had i still had someone sharing the rent with me, not even splitting it fairly but helping out with expenses as best as they could it would make all the difference in carlos coming here. i would have been able to afford to buy his ticket.
which brings me to the current situation with asshole. fack. for seven freaking months i was his doormat. bending over backwards to accomodate him in a place i was paying for. that fucker. so i think he really did go to the police, or at least tried to because the tone of the messages he is relaying to me has changed. now instead of demanding items he's asking for specific items politely. too little too late as far as i'm concerned. furthermore, now i know what he values and can attach my own value to them for a fair return on the money owed to me. a few items that he specifically asked for, a spider man poster, were earmarked for the garbage. in fact i checked online to see if it was at all valuable (world trade center in spidey's eye) but saw no interest for it. would have thrown it out days ago but now it is locked up inside the apartment. i expect i'll get far more for it now then i ever would have selling it online.
there was one other item that i'm hesitant to mention out loud. i knew about it and knew it was here. as soon as i read the request for it i almost threw it out knowing it was in the apartment. it's not a gun but for the sake of argument let's say it is. i've decided i will return it to him as a show of good faith. anything else though has a dollar amount attatched to it. you can afford to buy booze then you can afford to buy the items you consider dear. i realize in some way i am being a prick but at this point, after how i've been treated, i think it only fair that he gets what he has given to me.
spent some 'quality time' with a friend and his dog tonight. me, who has a general rule dosen't like dogs. smoked like three joints, which, if my calculations are correct is more then i've smoked the rest of this year combined. sure that may not seem like much but i can remember a time where i had a joint with my morning coffee. memories, like the round smooth corners of my ass.
3:51 AM
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