Friday, March 25, 2005
duncanandcarlosforever.JPG
i've said when i first met carlos i knew he was the one. it's not necessarily true that at that point i 'knew' it but there was a sense of occasion. a heightened awareness. otherwise how would i be able to play out the event in my head.
i was in paco paco, just off the dancefloor. a number of guys had caught my eye, carlos was indeed one of them, but i won't lie, i was on holidays, i was alone for the evening, it was a foreign land, i was on the prowl. carlos was a dancer, he was a small guy and had a spry dance, it would be hard to not notice him.
it was my first time in the bar and i wanted to explore. i went up to the second floor bar. i was looking at the juke box (what's a dj supposed to do?)when he approached me and asked me for a cigeratte. i obliged. at first he talked to me in spanish and i didn't understand. he said 'you don't speak spanish' and i said no. told me the bartender at balcones said i spoke very good spanish. i had been at balcones prior to paco paco, it wasn't busy, in fact likely empty and i don't remember seeing carlos there. i laughed and told him some people had told me to say 'bastanta bien' when i was asked 'como estas'. perhaps that was why he thought i could speak spanish.
he took me up to the rooftop, there were tables but we stood facing each other. we were alone. i'm sure we talked a bit before he kissed me but now i just remember him kissing me. i'm sure i didn't think to myself 'i love him' right at this point but now i can look back and say i did.
well, so. a few weeks ago carlos was complaining about his stomach. an argument ensued between us and he finally told me yes he would being go to the doctor right now and signed out of our messenger program. i did not hear from him again for a week. you may remember my 'heartbroken' post. when i heard from him the doctor had diagnosed him with parasites.
he told me he was taking the medication and feeling better. was going to be back at work in 4 days. in 4 days i called his roommamte because i hadn't heard from him again. i spoke to him and he didn't sound good at all. he thought it was the drugs, said he would stand up and feel drunk. he was going to the doctor again the next day. i told him i would call again in the evening.
later i decided not to call and to wait to call the next day because he would have been to the doctor. i called and didn't get through.
this week on monday i got through to his roommate. she told me he was in the hospital. call his cellphone the next day. i wasn't quite clear on the conversation, she speaks as much english as i do spanish. i called the next day, she answered and told me to call at 9pm. when i did there was now answer.
wednesday no answer.
thursday i speak to the roommate again. she gives me the number of a friend of carlos' who speaks english. he tells me he has pneumonia, he is sick but will be okay, likely in 2 weeks.
today someone called to tell me he died.
8:53 PM
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