Sunday, March 20, 2005
sex has almost always been a driving factor for me. i swear after i cum there is about 30 minutes where i'm not thinking about sex. the rest of the time i'm consumed with sex. so it's been awhile since i've had sex with another person. the oppurtunity presents itself, oh how it presents itself.
last night a 'playmate' came over. we hadn't talked in a long while, out of the blue i had heard from him when i was in mexico. though i responded to him at the time i hadn't got a hold of him since returning. the last few times we had gotten together sex just wasn't there for me. he was the top that turned into a bottom. our get together was going along just fine, chitty chatty and then he started trying to kiss me and pressing his cock into me. seemed hard and hot. part of me wanted to have some old fashioned gay sex with him.
the first time we met he was very forceful. i loved it. after that he became more and more passive. to the point where it was just me bouncing away on his cock. which continued on into the transition to whiny bottom. if you want to get fucked (oh and i do) learn to deal with the pain. learn to love and embrace it. i certainly did.
the point of this story is he could likely have had his way with me, if he'd only tried harder. i think i've been watching to much straight porn, i want that whole 'get down on your knees and suck my cock bitch' spiel.
really, though, the truth is i'm heartbroken. i want to be with carlos. i feel i've found my match. sure, i wonder if it's because a relationship between is so unattainable. i think perhaps i'm having a mid-life crisis. if i am though, having a crisis and if i am in love then i don't understand why i'm not just running away to mexico. it's done everyday isn't it? all that really holds me here is steady employment. really, that's the only reason i hold out. could i support myself in mexico?
i'm sure eventually i'm going to shit or get off the pot. perhaps a high colonic is in order!
1:22 AM
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