Saturday, August 27, 2005
the real gay sex agenda (or what i've really been doing this past week).
to pick up where i left off the cute young guy and i begin bumping nasties in a not so secluded space. and by bumping nasties i mean he starts wolfing down my dick. i mean hey, why not, i am hard just from cruising him. furthermore, by no means am i exagerrating when i say 'wolfing' he took me right to the base (okay so not a necessarily amazing feat but not all do) and when i realized his talent it didn't take long for me to begin fucking his throat. i started by gently cradling his head in my arms, almost lovingly but worked into grabbing him by the back of the head and pushing with all my might. i wanted to fuck his ass and to do it nasty. without words i lead him to a cubicle not sure whether he would follow. he did.
once the door was locked behind us i took off my clothes, he remained clothed. i groped his ass a bit, he went for my dick with his mouth again. though it was clear we were building up to his ass being fucked. at some point i took clear charge of this, preparing the lube and condom while he sucked on my dick. standing him, spinning him around and not gently forcing my way inside of him. he managed to squirm away but in no time was rubbing his ass against me. by the time i had grown tired of fucking him standing up something in my mind had completely switched. i was fucking him the way i wanted to be fucked. without saying a word i got down on my knees and waited for him to come down to my level. there was quite a wait, i could make out his incredibly small penis in the dark and begin to think i was going to get up. when this flashed through my thought process i also realized if i got up i was going to leave, i wasn't prepared to go back to fucking him standing up. whether or not it really was a 'power play situation' it was in my head, and i wasn't going to lose.
he backed up onto my dick and the taste of power over took me. i quickly had him lying down on his belly, forcing feed him my poppers (he had been doing his own till this point, i tried some and found them lacking in quality to what i had) and grinding into him like a mad man. i came at the point where i was pushing his head onto the ground mentally willing him to lick the floor that i try extra careful not to let my clothes touch at any other time.
while i glowed on the fucking i gave him during my cigeratte afterwards a realization dawned on me. i had been thinking how much i would have enjoyed getting fucked like that and wondered if my thought processes about this guy were at all a relection of what guys think of me when treating me this way. it wasn't just necessarily greed in thinking only of myself when fucking him but how it became a lack of thinking about him at all. the thought, the feeling or the lack thereof of either haunted me for days.
naturally i assume (why oh why) that another half of me is out there somewhere, or at least a partner in crime as it were. sure, love, but in my mind love also entails greedy pig sex. could i love someone i had treated this way though, can i expect someone to love me after doing the same to me. is it out of the realm of possibilty that my lover could also be my dildo operator? i have surprised myself thinking about finding a compatible mate. not enough that i didn't go to the bathhouse earlier this week.
in fact, i had a private celebration of carlos's birthday with a bottle of champagne and porn. oddly carlos pops into my mind alot when i'm fucking myself and i really did fuck myself good (odd because i generally fucked him). with the roommate having time when i feel comfortable about him not walking in on me fucking myself nasty seems rare. so and 'extra nasty' having been drunk from the champagne (i had considered cocaine knowing that was what carlos would have preferred but at least they rhyme) i ended up using a strategically placed pitcher and fucking the piss (fancy french champagne piss mind you) right out of me. euphoric on my own i went to the bathhouse and got fucked by 3 guys in sucsession.
since then i have stuck to abusing myself...
3:10 AM
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