Thursday, February 24, 2005 gay sex eluded me last night. the amount of scotch in my system may have been a factor. though i was getting some crazy offers. i was in a bar having a hairy chest contest, and wanted to enter (i can count how many hairs i have) but instead they had me be something of a judge. i got to feel each chest and describe it. certainly more fun then showing my hairless wonder. though mind you, 2 weeks of mexico and yesterday i did time at the electronic beach and then had some extra colour sprayed, this amounts to a nice chest. later in the evening, after more alcohol had been assumed (yes he started mixing drinks) i got into something of a bar brawl. sure i may have started it. i removed this guy's paws from off of me. why i don't know, he was cute as a button. he didn't like the refusal and it escalated into a out and out fight. tables and chairs were moved. shouts of 'loser gets to be bitch'. you'd think i would have thrown the match at that point but no. i have at least one bruise to show for it and aches like an old man. even later, at a booze can, a person who has always been on the peripheral of my life approached me and started inquiring about my ex. told me how he had been seeing him for 2 years but didn't like the 'rough sex'. those 2 years would have been when we were living together. at that point i'd had enough. 2 bar brawls a night is 2 too many. the ex was by today to drop off some birthday cheer. we had a good long talk. still he chooses to lie to me instead of fessing up. i dropped the conversation at his first denial. it's not my concern anymore. though he would not let it go, wanted to know what i knew and how. still only taking small sips of water. 8:34 PM (0) comments

Wednesday, February 23, 2005 it's that time of year again, where dammit i just have to say, any of you having a birthday in the next year, may i wish you a happy birthday! now this is the first birthday i've had in awhile where i don't go around announcing to people 'happy birthday'. i find usually people will respond with a 'happy birthday?' and i thank them. though i must say, a number of times people have said how did you know? mind you i also used to work in a job dealing with the public more then i do now and could go through a hundred people in a day. steven wants to give me a double penatration for my birthday. dear sweet boy. i think he wants it more for himself though. :) carlos' cellphone is out of credit. can a bathhouse be far off? a come hither photo of carlos i'll leave up for just a few hours. gives me goose bumps. 5:40 PM (0) comments

Tuesday, February 22, 2005 proof this is still a gay sex blog. last night while masturbating for the upteemth time i just up and jumped in the shower. off to the theater was i. wasn't very busy and i swear in less then half an hour i had serviced and gotten off half of the clientele. leaving very little to get me off. started by sucking on a cock through the glory hole which i never seem to be able to get any business from. it's sort of in a funny spot, one half a public area, the other closed off from view. you'd think it would be busy all the time but in all my years i have never seen anyone using it. there are chairs in front of the holes and i have plopped myself down in them many a time expecting a cock to appear. last night one did and i managed to suck him off, to climax, before my cigeratte had gone out. then another glory hole, more hand job plus blow job here. still much fun, a very nice dick and a forceful guy. he thanked me afterwards. so polite. went back to have a cigeratte at my usual glory hole when another cock appeared. the very few customers must have seen and known i liked to suck. it was a beautiful cock. i'd say it was six inches flaccid. he didn't get hard instantly and it was delight to feel him grow larger and larger. by the time it was fully erect it was a good 8". i stopped a few times to marvel at it, the last time he ducked his head down and asked through the hole if i liked to get fucked. of course i do. i was prepared to get fucked right there but he came around and took me to a cubicle. a cubicle with more glory holes and once we were inside hands started coming in. at first i didn't realize it wasn't him. he suggested a change of venue and i obliged. we went to a dark room and were alone. it was painful at first, imagine he wasn't even going to use lube, but i quickly got into the swing of things. by the time i got my lubricated hand on my hard dick he was pulling out. another thank you and he was off. a drunk walked in right after he left, belched and tried to fondle me while i was dressing. aargh. nothing much was remaining. i weighed my options and decided to go home for a shower. today i came a remarkable three times on my own. 1:11 AM (0) comments

Friday, February 18, 2005 gay sex drought. perhaps i should be flooding myself with cock but i'm not. i feel like a man in ruin. i hadn't heard from carlos until today and that was because i called him. day rates! mi dios. i've held myself together pretty well the last week. when he said 'i love you' though i broke down. i cut the call short, told him i would call later today and then cried like television never is able to make me. i hate love. take it away. 2:54 PM (0) comments

Tuesday, February 15, 2005 gay sex junkie again... i had completely forgotten it was valentine's day yesterday until i got to the bathhouse. someone had written 'fuck my valentine' on the chalkboard. didn't seem busy at all (duh). went for a steam, where all the men seemed to be. someone took a sheen to me and even in the steam i could tell it wasn't going to happen. i moved away from him, he followed. i moved a total of 4 times before just leaving. he follows me to my room. at this point the politeness has warn off and as he walks into my room i say 'NO'. he sits down on my bed. i take a breath. 'i did not invite you into my room but i am asking you to leave'. he mumbles a 'fuck you' on the way out. a taller older guy with a large frame comes in and makes for my nipples. i go right for his dick. nice enough. we re-position ourself for some better cock sucking angles and he asks what my name is. i don't even have the energy to make one up. i smile and go back to his dick, i mean does it really matter what my name is. after some fun foreplay he asks me what i want to do. too much blah blah blah and not enough fucky fucky. i tell him 'take a break' because at that point i'm done with him. if you can't read the condoms and lube on the table. if you have to ask... i take a nap. i wake up and there is more bodies. one catches my eye and follows me back to my room but walks past. continues to walk past but not enter. i get out in the hallway to bump into him but he notices me and avoids me completely. i'm confused when a skinny wisp of a thing walks by and takes my mind off of it. undetermined nationality. what i sometimes refer to as 'golden child'. he asks me a couple of questions, none of which do i understand. i just keep saying yes. he sits down on the edge of the bed and i think he asks if he can close the door. as i'm not sure i just shut the door. i sit down next to him and put my arm around his shoulder. if i had had any candy i would have offered it to him. he nuzzles around my nipple and then dives for my cock, kinda abruptly, very intense sucking. looks up at me and smiles. he sits up, i remove his towel and sit him on my lap. i don't know if it does anything for him but i've got a boner that is throbbing at the thought of fucking his ass. we move back onto the bed and i think he wants to fuck me. just fine except i want to fuck him first. i think he's equally eager to get fucked and it would seem he doesn't need a condom in place. i get one in place and fuck him like the wildgeek that i am. i really am a thoughtless top. one squirm or yelp and i figure the best cure is to ram it all in. hey, it's all i'm asking for in return. i changed the condom twice during my foray as top. put the third condom on him while i was fucking him, he seemed confused as to what i was doing. he fucked like a charm though, not a big dick but poking me in the right place and i came quickly. he had quite a dramatic orgasm, it looked like a deflating. he didn't want to leave right away. turns out he was drunk. this i learned when he said to me 'your sober' and burped. yikes. more time passed and i thought it was time for him to leave. he said something which again i didn't understand and then he went for my locker. ah, the silly fool thinks he's in his room. i quickly kick him out and head home. 10:33 AM (1) comments

Monday, February 14, 2005 thursday night carlos and i spent alone. not even having sex. talking and talking. i left him 2 hours before my pick up. expecting a delay i checked the board, all good. we check out, lite breakfast and prepare to be picked up only to find our flight is indeed delayed, only a few hours and the hotel allows us to go back to the room. i sleep, though debated going to carlos. another extended delay and we have an extra day in the sun. lots of back and forth until i get a hold of carlos. the three of us head down to a roof top bar. some last minute shopping. check out a restaurant by the hotel which carlos now loves. yet another tearful parting. i've been sort of in limbo since getting back. have worked a shift, the rest of time not being properly filled. my feelings for carlos have been preventing me from slutting it up with anyone but myself. however, i think i'm in the process of heading out to show off my tanline. how i hate tanlines, so unproffesional. 5:31 PM (0) comments

Wednesday, February 09, 2005 monday night was some crazy coca. after we had stopped doing it and gone to bed my nose wouldn't stop running. would not! fine. then that morning in the shower i thought the water was a funny colour, took me a minute to realize my nose was bleeding. last night i laid off the coca, well, via my nose anyway. did a couple coca puffs. carlos was tired when he was finished and we didn't even go to the ranch for our usual night cap (that lasts until 5am). was nice. we didn't even have 'the sex' instead we talked and talked. he was trying to get today and tommorow off. found someone to work for him, ran it by the manager, the only thing we were waiting for is the owner to say it's okay. such a prick it likely won't be. 5:36 PM (0) comments

Tuesday, February 08, 2005 it's now official, carlos has asked me to stay. i told him i could have been prepared for this but he didn't seem to want it. now i also think he should come and see me at home, perhaps he'll prefer it to vallarta. he says he'll come but somehow i doubt it. i am prepared to go home, sell everything and move to be with him. so unlike duncan. 5:10 PM (2) comments

Monday, February 07, 2005 woke up next to carlos early this morning from the sun shining in on us. hooray. stayed with him sleeping for another hour and then woke him up to tell him i was going to the beach. he seemed out of sorts last night. said the coca he had was too strong, and i guess it was but i found it delicious. for the first time since i've been here he was the one to say 'let's go' and oddly enough i wanted to say 'one more beer' which is what he always says to me but i didn't. last night in the bathroom i noticed a powder on the toliet paper dispenser, curiosity got the better of me and i put a bit on my gums to see if it was coca. it was. quite a bit of it there but that was the extent i was going to. however i noticed it had disappeared the next time i was in there. one of carlos's friends has a former boyfriend visiting him right now. carlos seems to be placed in the middle of the situation by the former boyfriend who appears heartbroken. last night, on one of my many trips to the bathroom i came across the friend and the boyfriend very close to each other, which was actually only the second time i've seen them together. as i was coming out of the bathroom they appeared to be seconds away from kissing, being the hellion i am i caught the friend's eye and gave him a big smile and walked away. reported to carlos on the situation and he told me i was mistaken. imagine! later when we were leaving we ran into the friend and i said 'you were going to kiss him' and he said no. i said again 'you were going to kiss him' and again he said no. the third time i said it he relented and said maybe a little. i said like maybe a little pregnant which was lost in translation, i think. also when he admitted i said 'your welcome' but i don't think he understood what i meant. great sex when we got back to the house. 1:11 AM (1) comments

Saturday, February 05, 2005 plenty of gay sex but still no sun. the rain yesterday was astounding but fortunately i experienced none of it. carlos had gone to work yesterday but they asked him if he wanted the night off. apparently he had a hard time getting a hold of me through the hotel but fortunately he did and i went to his place last night. had a great time helping the woman he lives with cooking while he napped! we were then up all night watching tv and eventually talking. i had prodded him a couple times but eventually on his own he opened up to me. shared a lot with me. telling me about a period of 6 months where he was sleeping on the beach and only had the clothes he was wearing. the worst thing about this was during this period in time he and i were in communication. of course no mention of it to me. his pride amazes me. the night before we had been in a bar and someone approached me as i was going into a stall to tell me 'he'll rob you blind'. at the time i really had to go and i merely said 'si' while slamming the door behind me. i got madder and madder during the course of that evening and even madder now when i think of this period of homelessness. i see this chap again and i'm likely to spit on him. 6:46 PM (1) comments

Thursday, February 03, 2005 each morning i wake up and look out the door to see clouds, which means i go back to sleep. the colour i so richly deserve is alluding me. one of my dancer friends back home has a trick down here that i'm supposed to be facilitating a reunion with. the trick approached me here and asked for dancer's email but like a phone number i wasn't sure i should give it out. turns out i would have given him the wrong one anyway. i've since talked to dancer and he is insisting i see this guy's cock as it is the largest he's ever seen. i find it hard to believe as the guy is actually kinda small. we'll see. yesterday carlos and i spent a total of 24 hours together, never apart for more then a few minutes. i left only so as to not 'molestar' him while he had a siesta before work today. spending that much time with anyone is hard but with him we have few problems. i say few because we did have a disagreement last night when i wanted to leave the bar and he wanted to stay. it turned into this whole 'i change for nobody'. i didn't understand how wanting to leave the bar was asking him to change which got a 'i'm talking in general'. so confusing, anyway it achieved what he wanted, more time in the bar. i'm sick of beer, no matter how many times i've said 'no more cerveza' up pops another one. bah. 5:18 PM (0) comments

Wednesday, February 02, 2005 today is carlos's day off (descantos) and we're going to see the aviator. we have some time to kill and he wanted to make some phone calls so being the smart boy he is he plopped down in front of a computer. the other night when walking to his bar i saw a porn star on the street. i wasn't fast enough to be a star struck fan and paw him. i'm not a 100% sure of his name either. i'm sure his first name is mike but the second name eludes me. really big dick, more of the nineties, i though it was mike nichols but i think that's a director. i'll figure it out. caught the tale end of beef dip and bears here, which of course are visting from other places, still give me no regard. one of these days i'm gonna get me some lee press on chest hair and then we'll see who ignores who. oh and my new drink of choice: the viagra martini (vodka and red bull). 5:06 PM (0) comments