Thursday, April 28, 2005 greasy gay sex continued (with the gil bellows chap). i put the condom on him, to much vocal histronics from him. as i did each step he did a sort of post-directorial role. 'ya put that condom on my dick', as i was mid-process, and quite a moan of delight too. perhaps he's a bit like me with putting on the condom, when i do it succesfully to myself (in that i maintain the hard-on) i always get just the little bit more excited because i know what follows. as i lubed him up 'grease that pole' and myself 'get that hole ready for me'. as i sat down on him 'oh your a good boy' and his whole body shuddered, legs lifting up off the bed and i felt as if i was absorbing all of him into me. now normally i need to be soft for the entrance of your cock into me, i honestly find it easier to get a dick in me when i'm soft, so i guess my body just now knows this and prepares for it. i remained hard the whole time. he was playing with my member and saying how 'beautiful my cock was' and 'a beautiful ass'. i was doing all the work as far as fucking my hole went and he drew attention to that fact as well. i could easily have came right then and there, all over his lovely hairy chest. tell me, you men out there with the hairy chests, is it alright when i start fondling all the hairs? grabbing? shoving any body part i can into it? i was able to get one of my feet into his chest hairs while i bounced on him, but only momentarily. when i decided i was going to spin around, give him a view from behind and give me the chance to play with his feet, he tried to sit upright. i was caught off gaurd in just the slightest. he said 'i want to get up on you' and my ass instinctively clenched down on his cock. he smiled and said 'you like that'. we rolled into the missionary without me letting go of his cock. he even grabbed the pillow and propped it behing my head (points for being nasty and a gentleman). what began with both of us on the bed turned into a slide and him being off the bed, standing. it was at this point that he would start spitting on my cock and pulling it. i wanted him to spit on my face too (hell i wanted him to step on my face as well). we would go through spats of him mercilessly pounding on me and then gentle strokes of any number of parts of my body. he laughed out loud when he saw me squirming around to watch his ass in the mirror as he fucked me. 'looks good doesn't it?' and yes it did, real good. by this time the flimsy sheet covering the mattress was no longer covering the mattress. i was sweating up a storm and he pulled me across the bed a bit which felt like my skin ripping off of me. quicker then he expected, i was up in a flash making the bed (flashes of martha stewart doing the same thing came to me, i'll admit here and now, when poor martha went to the big house all the 'good things' i thought i could accomplish in jail really enhanced my jailhouse sex dreams). as fast as i had made that bed i was on my knees on the edge of it waiting for him to enter me again. this time the back rub he gave me while fucking me was absolutely the end all be all. he stepped back and removed the condom. i was down on his cock in no time... yikes, yet another pause for the cause 11:38 AM (0) comments

Wednesday, April 27, 2005 greasy gay sex. yes it seems last week was an exception to the rule, tuesdays are still the new weekend, at the bathhouse anyway. upon entering i came across a hairy hunk of a man who gave me a big smile, i smiled broadly back. got undressed and ready to go in record time. wandered the halls a bit but couldn't find hairy so went for a shower and a steam. in the steam room i could feel a pair of eyes burning through the mist right into me. the gentleman they were attatched to did a couple strolls around me but no contact. i went to the dry sauna and he followed. once in he made a point of letting me see his cock. it seemed kind of long for a flaccid dick which made me think that was as big as it got, how mistaken was i? as i dried off he reached out and grabbed my dick but at the same time someone else joined us in the room. before heading back to my room i did a search for hairy to no avail. long dick walked past my open door, again and again. finally he stopped and asked if he could come in. his cock grew deliciously large in my hand and mouth. was one of those cocks that felt perfectly straight although his head seemed slightly off balance, it actually seemed to me it was larger then it should be and it really was askew from the rest of his dick. while i was playing with his dick he was playing with mine and stroking my hole. he reached for a condom, held it for a minute and then put it back. at this point he climbed up on top of me, and for a second i thought he was going to try and straddle my dick. fortunately, he was trying to fuck my face. after my first gag (sorry, it was a long dick and he was ramming it in pretty deep) he pulled back and started poking his cock into my cock. then he asked me if i wanted him to put on a condom. yes, yes, yes. he kept rubbing and then said 'tell me you want me to fuck you'. lol, no sir. instead i reached for the condom and wrapped him up myself. i could feel his head going in slightly different then the rest of his cock. it was sort of soft and mushy before the rod, kinda hot. he performed the missionary position fucking on me expertly, keeping upright so i could put my feet on his chest (not sure why but lately this has really been doing it for me). at one point he came down and was lying right on top of me, fucking me quite rapidly. i thought he may have cum but he continued to fuck me afterwards. my first instinct was right though, he didn't seem as hard, i grabbed the base of the condom and pulled him out, thinking if he hadn't cum we could try another fuck position. he had. listen to me and listen to me good, i love having you cum inside me but i certainly don't want to further risk it by having the condom slip off in me, pull out afterwards you fat bastard! he started telling me how cute i was, over and over. aargh, i mean he had a lovely cock but i wasn't going to sit there and lie that he was cute as well, sure he had his charms but... he asked if i wanted him to leave (which i did) but i said i was going to shower off now. which we ended up doing together. back in the dry sauna with him and a friend of his. they were both speaking spanish and it amazed me just how little spanish i've retained. it's also funny how horny that can make me. i wanted to ask if his friend's dick was as big as his but sat there trying to figure out how to ask it espanol too long and the friend was gone. we had a little conversation. turns out he's from columbia. asked if i'd ever been to south america, then central. i told him mexico and he said cancun or puerto vallarta? geez, mexico is a big place, how can you narrow it down. as i was thinking it was getting caliente in there he said 'it's hot in here' and i said 'muey caliente', we both left. hairy comes to my door, he looks a lot like gil bellows in a towel. nice. he starts some chatter at the door and i'm wondering why he's not just coming in, he politely asks if i'd like him to come in and i say yes. as soon as the door shuts we're both naked and he starts dirty talk that never ceases, i swear the man couldn't keep his mouth shut. it started out with a bit of how handsome i am (hey, handsome is a step up from cute and we were just starting up, forgive me for loving it). as soon as i had his cock in my mouth the real raunch began. if only i'd had a tape recorder! suffice it to say, it was a lot of 'take that cock, it's yours' and 'such a handsome cocksucker'. with his vocals egging me on i was taking him right to 'the root' and just bouncing his cock on the back of my throat, he loved it, i loved it, sex was good. he sat down on the bed and i positioned myself between his legs. after a bit i got up on my knees and was rubbing our two cocks together. he asked me if i wanted to sit on his cock, to which i said yes of course and my cock was instantly hard as a rock. he started whacking my dick with his and asked if i liked that, i did but then after i said that he get even more aggresive with the whacks until i could take it no more. he laughed. coffee break brb.... 11:28 AM (0) comments

Sunday, April 24, 2005 fever - sarah vaughan (adam freeland mix) it's been cranking me out lately, to me it sounds like a melissa etheridge remix. on to the naughty bits. yesterday a co-worker asked if i wanted to smoke a joint after work. i'm not sure if i mentioned it but i'm sure i should have, i used to work with him a couple of years ago as well, took me to the golden arches for a pseudo date, came within a few minutes of having my lips wrapped around his dick. so, it was also his birthday. so i've always been a bit obessed with the number 23, me being born on it, turned out carlos was also a 23 baby and my co-worker. we got back to my place and i asked him if he wanted a drink. he said he wanted something alcoholic for his birthday. now besides tequilla the only booze i had in the house was a bottle of champagne i bought when carlos died. i had planned to celebrate carlos with it, you may recall he got champagne for me the last night we were together in october. bla bla bla. and a little further backdrop, carlos and i used yahoo messenger to communicate. i used it almost exclusively for that purpose, another friend is actually on the list but that's it. for the last little while i haven't been turning on yahoo but yesterday i had, trying to get a hold of other friend. anyhose, just as i opened the champagne other friend came online in yahoo so i heard the yahoo knock. it always meant carlos was there to me. it seemed very appropriate. said co-worker and i got quite tipsy. i think quite possibly he was interested in a little fooling around. at one point i was actually going to ask if i could dry hump his leg, i have been known to ask people as a joke if i could dry hump them. unfortunatley last night i really did just want to dry hump him. imagine how that could tarnish my image: ya i went to duncan's and he dry humped me. not the rumour a slut wants going around i'm sure! he ends up leaving. i decide to go to the theater for a little culture. i sucked on a nice cock right away and he came very quickly, all over my face. oddly i forgo the shower and just rinse my face off at the sink. usually i'll shower for nothing. a gentleman i'm sure i've played with before, enough to remember that he had a large cock, follows me into a private area. we suck each other's cocks and get undressed stage by stage. i've taken one pant leg off and left the other one on as well as my shirt. he's right naked. goes down to suck my cock again and turns me around and eats my ass nasty like. i had noticed him earlier finger my hole and sniff his finger but nothing came of it. at the time i though "i've got a sweet hole, never you mind" and i guess he had come to the same conclusion, perhaps he didn't want to be obvious. it matters not, in no time i had him in my ass. i could easily have gotten myself off while he fucked me but didn't. he did. afterwards as he was dressing i was undressing, well at least removing what was left, boots, socks and such. by the time he was dressed i was naked and had everything gathered up. we left together and i went directly to the shower. not one person came in while i was showering. i discovered it will be easy to turn off the lights in the shower room, sometimes it's just too bright in there but i'll need a chap slightly taller then me to reach up and unscrew the light bulb. last night after i showered i went on a mission looking for a tall one. i got sidetracked with more cock and forgot about it. played around with the asian guy who has the lovely thick cock. practically bent myself over and opened up my hole for him but he just wanted head it seemed. sucked a really hot guy off that i had been eyeballing the whole time i was there but thought he was out of my league. not really big enough to bother putting a condom on. a smart little italian looking guy grabbed my attention and i his. we sucked each other off for a bit and there i am offering up my ass yet again. a crowd had formed and he pulled me off into another area. i get the condom ready, even going so far as to take it out of the packaging. the crowd had followed and some guy with a small cock was forcefully trying to get me to suck his dick, i almost bit it but didn't want it in my mouth for even that period of time. next i know, franklin there is about to cum and announcing it. he thanks me and excuses himself (thanks for what, you jerked yerself off), i still have condom in hand. i weigh the options, i mean there is a crowd but no one has their dicks out. bah. i throw away the condom and head home. 12:55 PM (0) comments

carlos dream (and not really having much to do with gay sex). i'm going to see him at work, and i am actually in puerto vallarta but work is somewhere else. it seems to me it's some sort of shopping mall, except it's all one store. i notice the staff all has new uniforms. i get to carlos's storefront, apparently he's selling shoes but there's a bit of a kerfuffle in the front of the store. a very large woman and a man are fighting. i see carlos at the back of the store sort of cowering i think, maybe he's just not sure what to do, i want to get back to him but this fight is in my way. all of a sudden there's a snap and the woman is taken away. the man however is dragging himself around by the arms. he finds a pole and lifts himself up on it. someone else flaps his legs around. i'm aghast but now i can get into see carlos. he's still at the back of the store, clearly very upset but he's also shirtless and asks me if i want him to dance. i say no and hold him, he just starts crying saying 'i didn't know what to do'. i comfort him. he tells me the man will never walk again. i tell him how much i love him and wake up. 12:05 PM (0) comments

Saturday, April 23, 2005 got to the bathhouse yesterday around 9:30pm and it was already a packed house. the guy ahead of me in line got the last available room. as the staff member was explaining the waiting system to me (not familliar with me so doesn't realize i'm familliar with the workings) one of 'my' staff members came over and told him which room was available. a room with beautiful 'flow' outside of it too! i had to walk past a couple to get in my room. one half of the couple was a big hairy hot man. our eye contact felt a little evil as he was playing with some other little guy at the time. by the time i had undressed and opened for business hairy had lost the other guy. he came right in. the other guy had gotten him hard for me and play was right into nasty hardcore. finger in my ass, i reach for a condom and then he tells me he has to pee. ummm okay, well don't tease me man, do it. as he's leaving i think to myself 'he's going to have a difficult go at a piss with that hard on'. i'm always a little uncomfortable with the 'i'll be right back'. are you going to be right back? what if someone else comes along? how long is an acceptable time to wait? i'm weighing all this out in my head and i think fuck it, i'm doing a tour. ran into him on the tour and he actually tried to initiate again with me. for all he knew i could still be waiting for him... so, i see this delightful little guy standing naked. we smile at each other as i pass him. the mess of curls on top of his head, very hairy upper chest with that line going down his belly to his cock. as i'm typing this i'm wondering if i played with him before, today i seem to recall enjoying a little guy with the curly hair. anyway, after i passed him i went directly to my room, he had followed and we immediately get down to business. though his cock is not large by any stretch it is sturdy and has a delightful curve. some mutual cocksucking, well, more like i sucked his cock and he fiddled around with me, turned into him playing with my ass. he asked if i wanted him to fuck me. after attempting to put on two different condoms i wrapped his dick up. anything i type is not going to do justice to the ass fucking that followed. i know and understand i am not cumming out of my ass yet it still feels like it to me. it seemed to me any time i wanted to change positions he anticipated it and knew to what position i wanted to move into. mind you, at one point i wanted him to shove his foot in my face while he was fucking me but he didn't pick up on that one. there were also a couple times where he asked if i was ok, did i want to stop? ha. i wanted to lock him up in my bedroom and only feed him ass. the last position we did was his request, me on my belly him on top. unfortunatley my ass was rejecting his cock now. he'd get in and i'd be forcing him out after 2 or 3 strokes, back in, back out. we jerked off together, i tried playing with his ass a bit but wasn't allowed. his cumshot was fantastic. his stomach was covered in cum, sweat and lube and i just started rubbing it around. i discovered a scar that really fascinated me. said it was from when he was a baby, something to with his intestines, it felt like i could grab a hold of his insides with it. i told him such and he told me to try. he took me on a tour of all his scars after i told him i found them very sexy. i told him i was considering getting some scarring done on my lower back. we laid there feeling each other and talking for quite some time. i think at one point i even drifted off into sleep. eventually he said to me 'i have to go to the bathroom, can i come back?'. he actually did come back but shortly thereafter said he needed a shower, me too. it's 1am now, which means we were playing a mighty long time. i run into a big tall hairy moustached guy who i would have been all over except he was also naked and walking around with a hard on. unfortunately for him this meant i saw his shortcomings and knew nothing would happen. next thing i know moustache and curly are playing right outside my door. i entertained the idea of a threesome but really that would mean curly fucking me again (yes please) and me likely sucking on that little thing (no thank you). really at this point i should have been heading home. my ass had been severly worked over. as i'm debating this a guy just storms into my room. a hard cock that is amazingly fat at the base, i'm sure it's going to hurt and i'll be very loud if he fucks me. he's jabbing his finger into my hole and so i reach for the lube and condoms. he says he has to pee first. as he leaves i decide to go home. really 1:30 PM (0) comments

Thursday, April 21, 2005 my obession with gay sex lead me to leave out an interesting little tidbit of information about my visit to the bathhouse the other night. at one point i was in the lobby with 4 members of the staff and no clientele. at this point someone came in, made some quick 'hellos' to the staff and was off for booty. i then was allowed the honor of listening in on 'co-worker chat at the bathhouse'. delicious. first off, i quickly discovered this customer was not well liked at all. apparently when he was asked what he wanted his reply was 'what's available?'. one of the off duty staff said 'well there are better ways to phrase it, it's all about respect'. ummm, what's going on me wonders. it turns out, a proper regular could possibly come in on a slow nite (as this nite was) and rent a locker but get a room instead. this i wouldn't know as if i can't afford a room i just plain don't go. fortunatley, i've been a smarty and always tip when getting checked in and whenever i've had a pass my tip increases greatly. not that it really matters, i can't imagine going to the bathhouse to rent a locker in the hopes of getting a room. still it's good to know and better even to pass this information along. treasure island media's 'riding billy wild' has been making my day lately, just for matt sizemore alone. oh right, and i love watching the group scenes don't i? 3:43 PM (0) comments

Wednesday, April 20, 2005 i broke in the free gay sex pass yesterday. a little background first. at work yesterday a fuck friend i haven't seen in awhile was in. i'm sure it's been a long time since we've played, last year this time i think and that was lackluster as i recall. anywho, he was shoving his half hard cock at me at work, not when i'm feeling sexy at all, and wondering why i wasn't interested. bah. i get to the bathhouse and get stuck with a piss poor room, one at a dead end so i get no traffic flow outside my door. for people to see me they usually just pop there head around to look quickly into the open door. it's not busy which just confounds this problem. what's worse is when i was checking in i was asked if there was anywhere in particular i wanted to go. stupid me said no. i don't like asking for specific rooms, i'd rather take the lottery and so i lost last night. after a shower and a steam i started wandering around. ran into my fuck friend and he began molesting me in the hall. i weighed out my options. shortly we were back in my room. i'd forgotten just how large is cock is, 8" but so damn thick. i have a hard time giving him head and always wonder why we even waste time with it. just put the condom on and slip it in my accomodating ass. which we eventually get around too. it hurts a plently to start with. he's not at all forgiving when it comes to fucking, which i guess, is just fine by me. a tasty fuck session ensues. he came after i started bucking back on him. hint to self, just lie there and take it. then he started questioning me as to what was on my mind. i pleaded dumb. he told me it was clear to him something was bothering me. again i said there was nothing. then he said 'let's smoke a joint, that will loosen you up'. as if my ass wasn't loosened up, the first thing i said after he had pulled out was 'my poor ass'. anyway, who am i to turn down a joint and said ok. he then expected me to supply said joint. when i said i had none he made a noise and was to get off his, i half expected him not to return but he did. it took him forever to roll a joint, during which we can't talk as apparently he needs to concentrate all his functions on the act of rolling a joint. well we smoked he began in again on questioning me. i really had no interest in discussing carlos with him. when the joint was finished, before i could come up with an excuse to get him to leave he excused himself. i showered. a cute little monkey followed me into my room with all his clothes on. i figured him as south east asian. and let me say again, just so cute, i wanted to eat him like a little candy. we had some intial play, him playing with my cock, me his ass and some kissy kissy. the clothes were becoming bothersome and i really do hate having guys undress in my room, they usually want to put their clothes back on before leaving. i like to be able to just get rid of them when their time is done. so i says to him, i says 'you need to go take off your clothes'. he takes this the wrong way (honestly, i was into this guy, just not into the fallout) and says 'no?' to which i repeat 'you need to take off your clothes'. he says 'you no like?' and storms out slamming the door open and closed. yikes. shortly thereafter i run into him in the lobby. he accuses me of not liking mexicans. huh?!? i attempt to speak my broken spanish with him and explain to him the love of my life was mexican. (mind you he was a mexican who hated his fellow mexicans lol). i didn't even bother trying to explain to him i didn't think he was mexican. all of a sudden i found him even more attractive but really this was all stupid. i was being accused of racism when really i had just wanted him to get naked so we could have more fun. he was clearly drunk (the taste of it on his kisses had turned me on) and i just extracted myself as quickly as i could. i saw him a couple more times during my stay, still with his clothes on. i enticed a deliciously black giant into my room. he sucked on my cock expertly, i could easily have gotten myself off fucking his face but fortunately he was stroking my ass as well. he positioned himself such that i think he was expecting me to reciprocate his cock sucking, i slipped a condom on his dick and got him inside me. once in very little happened. until he announced he was cumming. upon leaving the room he said 'i'll last longer next time' and i thought 'ya your getting a next time'. by this time i decided i was hungrier then i was horny and left. 11:05 AM (0) comments

Tuesday, April 19, 2005 the return of the free gay sex pass! i promise to cherish it and to try to use it at every possible oppurtunity. apparently they've been at the bar for awhile, i've just not asked for one. if only i knew. the only reason i found out about them at all was because the staff at the bathhouse was asking why i wasn't using mine. utter horror when i found out, but it just goes to show you, always tip your staff at the bathhouse. and, when your getting in free tip extra, they'll remember and then question when your not using one. okay, so that oppurtunity dosen't come up that often, still... clues to know when you should stop playing the shit out of a song, you see the video on msn video. i know exactly when i started playing avalon - juliet to death, just before i left for mexico in january. the refrain 'we'll take a holiday' seemed appropriate. as mentioned i saw the video on msn video, and still i played it twice yesterday. as soon as someone starts asking for it i'm sure i'll stop playing it, until then check it out. while your at it, the adam freeland remix of fever by sarah vaughan, absolute madness! 11:43 AM (0) comments

Sunday, April 17, 2005 so it starts yesterday at work. i take a call from british guy wanting to know where we are and what kind of crowd comes. as far as i'm concerned it's a strip bar, your coming to see the cock it dosen't matter who is there or when the busy time is (another popular question). "will there be guys my age?" though i am a pisces i'm not that psychic and tell him so. 26 by the way. i make it clear to him it's not necessarily the place to 'pick up'. he understands that, where would i recommend. i ask him where else he's heard of, he mentions one of the more popular bars which i can count on one hand the number of times i've gone to. i steer him in the direction of the theater. hey chief why not? from my description he says it sounds like fun. dammit i should be on the payroll. i warn him i could be one of the dirty old men he's trying to avoid and i may corner him at the theater when he least suspects it. later i'm off to the theater. quelle surpise. i had a quick one that i don't even remember now, really just an excuse to take off my clothes and shower. while showering everyone and his sister looks in, only the big burly iranian looking man actually comes in. i get wetter then just a shower. i towel off and then go right for his crotch. an annoying little man decides to watch and try to participate. even going so far as to take his dick out while i'm sucking on this delicious dark piece of meat. the little man starts to touch, i make my displeasure known and burly starts swatting him away. it's a public place we can't very well tell him to leave but the thought crosses my mind. eventually i give up and leave. sucked a dorky guy off rather quickly and he says 'don't tell my mother'. ya cute. i notice a tall skinny dark skinned possibly indian guy and he notices me. a little dance and then out of the blue he says 'do you want to go with me?' in an oddly familliar british accent. we are right in front of cubicle and so i go in. he's on his knees fairly quick. offers me poppers. asks some inane questions. i'm convinced it's the guy from the phone call. asks me to take my shirt off and i oblige. his cock sucking technique is very unpolished, terribly toothy. i grin and bear it for a bit. suck on his cock to give me organ a break. he's back to sucking my cock and before i can slap him he announces he's came. thank god. back to the inane questions, my name and then my age. i tell him he's 26. he seems a little shocked and asks how i knew. i confess and we have a chuckle. ps i told him my name but not my age. i suck a few other guys off, one incredibly lovely long cock and then head home. this evening i decide to go to the tubs instead. first guy has a great big cock and i just squirm with delight. unfortunately he dosen't seem to be able to get it fully erect, even with a cock ring. i imagine he would have let me suck on his cock forever but i wanted it in my ass. then who should i hap upon but brit boy from the night before. still an organ grinder. i opt for fucking his ass. went through three condoms plowing him. at one point, while i have his knees pinned to the wall, he asks me my name. bah. i use his name and say if you can't remember mine why should i bother telling you. i'm not sure if he can even place me at this point. i was sweating up a storm i was working his ass so hard. when he started blathering on about wanting to taste my cum i announce break time. again with the questions. i tell him my name is horteunse but he dosen't understand, on the third time i announce whore tense as my name. she's a tense whore all right. after that nothing really appeals to me. i head home. this is two nights of play with nary a cumshot from me. i think i may even feel the blue balls forming. 3:35 AM (0) comments

Thursday, April 14, 2005 gay sex at the bathhouse again yesterday. twice in one week. who knows what's come over me. i went mid-afternoon. i wasn't expecting much, though there did seem to be alot of traffic. mostly over 50 it seemed. an italian looking gentleman younger then me caught my eye or perhaps it was the gold chain against his dark skin that caught my eye. anyway, he was hot. i figured i had a good chance to get him, what with my competition. he walked by my door and slowed down but not a complete stop, must have walked a few steps out of my line of view and turned around for another drive by. eventually he worked his way into the room. at first it seemed he wasn't going to close the door but fortunately a googler came by and he did close the door. i immediately removed my towel and showed him my hard on. in no time he was naked as well. his cock seemed very nice, not terribly long but a tasty girth. i went for sucking on it as he stood and played with my naughty bits. though he was engorged, he didn't seem to get fully hard. eventually a 69 session ensued with a bit of ass play. had he been hard at this point i would have been quite excited but i was beginning to lose it. around the time i decided cute and not hard enough to fuck me just didn't cut it he announced with an accent 'sorry i'm tired' and scooted out. i had a shower and a steam. began questioning my judgement about coming in the afternoon. on the way back to my room i passed a gentleman shorter then i, likely 5'7 or something, hairy chested, shaved head and a tattoo or two. not realizing myself i checked him out hardcore. he followed me back to my room. i had sat down on the edge of the bed and he shoved his dick into my face. he was hard! i sucked him but good and kept an eye on the hallway as the door had been left open, when someone did try to come in he shut the door. i got naked and layed stomach down on the edge of the bed and went back to sucking his cock. his fingers went right for my ass. then before i knew it he was face down in my ass and loving it. he had me all sloppy when he tried the old 'i'm going to fuck you without a condom'. i've got to give you rimmers credit, i mean, if you chewed my ass right and then said 'look i've lubed you up i shouldn't have to use a condom' i'd probably agree with you. however, it wasn't happening which meant we switched back to me sucking his cock and him eating my ass. at one point, oh it was so delicious, my ass was pointed to the wall, legs up on it, his head down in my sweet hole, my head off the edge of the bed between his legs, sucking on his cock with a view of his ass in the mirror. porn doesn't get better then that. when, eventually, i got him laying down on his back i covered his cock with a condom. sat down on him and bounced my way to happiness. when he slipped out i got on my knees and took him from behind. a delightful ass fucking ensued. wiggled myself into the missionary position and really was happy. he jabbed me nicely. just as i was about to cum he slipped out again. i don't know how but somehow i aborted the cumshot and we got back to fucking. this time however he began sucking on my toes, i wasn't able to hold back any longer and shot a huge load. he thanked me, no cumshot from him, and i replied with my customary 'no thank you'. showered off and then when i was back in the room dressing to leave had yet another carlos break down. i actually had to stop dressing and sit down for a couple minutes as i tried to regain composure. it was the worse crying jag i've had in a few days. what my neighbours must have thought, first the moans of getting my ass fucked followed by out and out crying. bah. 10:27 AM (0) comments

Wednesday, April 13, 2005 i've come to the conclusion i need me a boyfriend. or at least something a little different in terms of a fuck buddy. it used to be i said i didn't have any kinks, or my kink was your kink, i got off getting someone else off, especially those with quirky kinks. truly, the only thing i wanted was to get my ass fucked. now, i guess as i get older, i've realized i do have some kinks. toys/dildos i'm considering this a kink albeit a mild one. my ever growing desire to be fisted, this is definetly a kink, nescafe? furthermore, these german piss porns i've been enjoying lately have made me accept yet another kink. no, i'm not necessarily into watersports (mind you i'm not 'out' of them either) though i have decided i have a definite quirk/kink now. i want someone to fuck the piss out of me, literally. these porns have sort of loosened up my own acceptance of this. often when i've fucked myself, and hey when guys have fucked me as well, if i have anything in my bladder i have to stop and go to the bathroom. slowly, i've begun to realize i really like this sensation. even more i like that feeling of forcing piss out while i am getting fucked. for the most part this has only happened alone with a dildo. once i can think of steven fucking me so hard i peed. usually when i go out i do so with an empty bladder. don't really want to have to say 'i need to stop to go to the bathroom'. it's not necessarily the sorta thing you just spring on someone either is it? either way, i don't think it be kosher to just meet someone and say 'fuck the piss out of me' or to not say anything at all, just waiting for the piss to come out. hence my theory that i need a boyfriend. and honestly, can you come up with a better reason then needing a boyfriend then 'fucking the piss out of me'? if so please contact me. :) 10:30 AM (2) comments

Tuesday, April 12, 2005 steven calls yesterday for the first time since i told him about carlos. calls when he knows i'm going into work. i'm desperate for free coffee so i tell him to come see me while i'm at work. he is saying he wants to see me afterall. i forget about it until someone comes up to me and says steven is waiting for you outside with something. i go out and there he is. he's 'nervous' about coming in. i snap. he's been in the bar a number of times, and has no problem dropping my name as he's coming in to avoid paying the cover charge. i've told him over and over if they let him in at the door they are taking their own jobs at risk by letting him in. telling him if they don't charge him he should be tipping them and tipping them well. that's all a different story. at this point there is no cover charge, we've just opened and the place is empty. why the hell can't you just come in on your own accord? i tell him i can't stand outside 'chatting' i have to get back to work either your coming in or your not. he does, without first blathering about what he's wearing. it's not until i get him into the booth i realize it's not what he's wearing but what he hasn't done today. in the enclosed area he's knocking me out with his ripeness. he starts talking closer to me and i doubt he's even brushed his teeth. what i won't do for coffee. i'm snappy with him. i say 'not coming in is stupid and stupidity is one thing i won't tolerate'. excuses excuses again. just don't come in then. bah. after he leaves the stink stays. the coffee is tastygood this morning though. 10:58 AM (0) comments

Saturday, April 09, 2005 gay sex at a bathhouse? it's been so long i was afraid i might have forgotten what to do, it came back in a snap though. even with the ghb in tow. the first guy to come into my room was a muscle boy, i was a bit weary, i told you it's been awhile. though, when the first thing out of his mouth was 'do you have poppers?' i was able to scoot him out quickly. just like riding a bike. of course i had poppers sitting right there but if that's the first thing your asking, well... a big tall totally naked man walked by and stopped. tasty hair. shaved head, with the stubble around the edges making it apparent that he shaves cause he's half bald. i quickly showed him my dick and he made his way in. some touchy feely and he sits down on the bed. i make for the 69 position and he says 'are you suggesting we both do it?' and i said 'i'm not suggesting anything yet'. his hands and feet had suggested a larger cock to me, even having seen the cock as he came in sans towel. now to be clear, i'm not saying it was small, i just thought it would be bigger. it mattered not, shortly after we started sucking each other's cocks he also began playing with my ass. i'm telling you his fingers were the size of a small cock, so delicious. he said to me 'i want to kiss you' and i think i fell in love. fortunately kissing did not stop ass play. it seemed he was as obessed with my ass as i am. kissing my mouth mitigated itself into kissing my ass and i just floated along. i think perhaps he sensed my bliss and started slapping my hole. from eating my ass, it was a natural progression to having him between my legs, ankles to the ceiling and his cock rubbing against my hole. he asked if i had condoms and whether he should use them 'if it felt right'. i wanted to say slap it on now and get inside of me but just said yes. he wrapped up and i wrapped my ass around him. i think my guttural moans alarmed him (they seem to alarm alot of tops) and he asked if i was okay. ya ya just keep shoving that dick in me. it was at this point i discovered that both of his nipples were pierced, one with just a teenie tiny ring. i wanted to ask if it was okay if i swung from them. while he fucked me i was all hands. his thickness all around just turned me on, i swear he must have twice the width of me. his arms were huge. he alone lifted me up and had me riding on top of him. an absolute delight. unfortunately he wasn't maintaining enough of an erection for me to ride him. i pulled him out and we began again with play, and cuddling. i was running my fingers through his chest hair and scratching/pulling. he had me stand up and fuck his face. it all worked back to my ass. at one point he had two fingers in and it seemed he was pulling them apart. we worked back into fucking, him standing, me on all fours on the bed taking it from behind. i was able to crank my head around and watch his ass in the mirror. he was getting quite nasty on my ass now and cracking his hand on my cheek. i wanted it to go on forever but i sensed we were coming to an end. he stopped fucking me and said 'if we play anymore we're going to be married' to which the smartass replied 'in the eyes of god we already are'. i wanted to add something about our china pattern but saw a look of fear in his eye. told him i needed a cigeratte and he was on his way. i chose to have the cigeratte first, after cursing him out for taking my towel and then finding it under the bed. during the play i hadn't noticed just how much the g was effecting me but on the way to the showers i was bouncing off the walls like a drunken sailor (what do we do with a drunken sailor?). while showering i noticed a humongous cock next to me. it was a gorgoues fat long member attatched to a not necessarily attractive man. i thought to myself 'i'll take a steam and see if he follows me in'. he did and when the cock was next to me i could nothing but reach out and grab it. i'm sure as i put my hand on it my ass said 'no way'. i sucked on him for a bit and then made my way back to my room, if he followed i would have gotten it into my ass but he didn't. i opened up shop again. unfortunatley, i faded out. the next i knew i had a guy sitting on top of me waving his dick in my face. it was long, it was hard and as soon as i started sucking on it he was reaching for my dick, no wait it's my ass he's after. bliss. turned out he was a very cute asian guy and he spotted my poppers while looking for lube. and away we go. it was a great cock and felt real good inside but he had no motion. he kept wanting to lay down on top of me while fucking and i just wanted to smack his ass to fuck me harder. eventually i shoved him around until i was on top but by the time i was on top of him he made a noise that i knew he was done. damn. furthermore, he passes out. i try to gently wake him, dosen't work. fine, i think, and start buggering with his ass. this dosen't work either. i put my towel on, grab my keys and considering leaving him there. bah. i pulled him up and finally his eyes open. he says 'that was nice' and i'm like uh huh. then he asks if i'm single, i am, and he tells me 'purrfect i am too'. good for you, i've already married this evening, not twice please. oh and what a story, we met while i was sleeping. anywhose, he asks if i'm going to have a shower and i was but i don't want to shower with him so i says 'i'm going to have some juice first'. in the lobby i have my juice and end up passing out watching the tv. i wake to find my glass of juice emptied out on me, it was just ice by that point, i had finished the juice but still i thought not good. shower and open for more business. a broody lean boy comes in and we just have the preliminaries. he asks me 'are you into it' and i reply 'i guess not'. a smaller guy comes in and we fuck quickly, you tops that can't handle poppers drive me batty! the asian guy comes back in, stops and asks if he can come in. i say yes but wonder what sort of signal i gave him when i was passed out. he starts by sucking my dick, his dick isn't hard so i play with his ass. i'm ready, so i shove him down on the bed and fuck his ass. giving him lots of motion hoping he realizes this is how it's done. his moans just make me fuck him harder. i offer the poppers to him and he says 'i never do those but you can'. huh? i feign a cumshot and throw the condom in the garbage. i ask him 'you were here before and fucked my ass?' and he says no. ooops wrong guy. then he asks me if i came. i say yes and he says he wants to see. starts rifling through my trash can. i'm aghast. he keeps pulling out condoms looking at them and saying 'you've cum a lot today'. get out get out you fucking freak. i tell him 'that's enough' and hand him his towel. i shower and this time get the right asian back in the room. i figure he's cum once already that i know of he's going to last longer this time. once i get him fucking me right and proper he cums again. dammit. i want more but just don't have the energy. wake up today at freaking 2pm. 3:12 PM (0) comments

oh patric, ye of little faith. i may be repeating myself but i'm going to do it anyway. when my cousin died a couple weeks after her death she came to me in a dream, with my grandmother (already dead) and another woman who looked like my aunt (not dead). when i told the story to my father, he said 'your aunt was twin but the twin died in childbirth'. i say this is not coincidence. further evidence (to me anyway). i have visited a spiritualist twice in my life, same one both times. when she starts the session she calls out a whole bunch of names and she explains they may be people you have known or will known. pretty random and she's sure to hit some names just by luck. however, upon listening to the tape years later i noted 4 names in a row of friends of mine, and interestingly enough she said them in the order i met them. the four of them all connected to each other. and just one more. the last time i saw her she was describing someone who had passed on and was around me. i didn't know who it was, an older gentleman. this guy was quite persistent she said, and i had no clue as to who he was. she said the plates in the bedroom were his. right. i actually thought it was a bit of bunk until i went home and my father brought the plates out of his bedroom that were his grandfather's, my great grandfather. perhaps these dreams are nothing more then dreams but i don't subscribe to this. just call me phoebe. anyway, i'll be happy just to stroke his hair again in my dreams. 4:37 AM (0) comments

Friday, April 08, 2005 gay sex void. apparently i'm a binger. friday night was the last time i had sex with someone besides myself. now it seems i'm planning another binge tommorow. we'll see what happens. on another front, i've had carlos dreams. in the first one i'm at my parent's place (where i was when i learned of his death). i'm sitting on the couch and carlos has his head rested in my lap and i'm stroking his hair. we both seem very happy. my father comes in and sits down, i say to him 'see he's not dead' and he agrees with me. i wake up. in the second one i am in vallarta, walking to his home. when i get there his roommate greets me from a neighbour's window and tells me he is in his room. i go up. when i get to the room carlos is in a bed on the opposite side of the room from where we slept on the floor. his roommate's daughter is dancing for him. he is happy to see me and calls me over. as i approach the bed and reach out to touch him i wake up. and on yet another front. my current living arrangements are coming to an end i think. i'm not able to maintain the space with a new 'rent increase'. i'm weighing out my options and as yet have not given notice. who knows. 4:28 PM (1) comments

Saturday, April 02, 2005 gay sex - a slight return. yesterday it was one week of mourning, i've had a bottle of champagne waiting in the fridge for when i was ready to celebrate carlos instead of all this moping. instead i procurred some g. fiddled with a bit of it (and myself) at home before going out. someone had told me it extends the life of coke when you use the two together, i was finding it did the same for poppers for me. by the time i got to the theater i was quite loopy from the goopy. ran into the queeny little thing i've fucked before a number of times there and mentioned here. last night i realized i've never touched his dick before and yesterday was no exception, unless you count rubbing it through his pants. he reaks of hawaiian tropic which oddly enough excites me. yet again i fucked him nasty. oh to find someone who would fuck me the way i fuck him. i was even pretty rough on his throat, cradling his head with both my arms and just plowing it. when his moans started to sound more painful then pleasing i excused myself. after that there was mix of cock sucking. i had a stalker as well, any chance he got there he was intruding in my scenes. a shorter gentleman approached and was quite forceful with my nipple, for some reason i took this as i could get fucked by this guy. indeed when i pushed him off my nipple his hand went right for my hole. i went right for his cock, which was very hard, not huge nor nothing but when they feel that hard i just don't care, poke the shit out of me man. it was at this point i lost it with my stalker, here i am sucking a perfectly nice cock, which i expect to get fucked by and stalker is in there like a dirty rag. i made a noise of exasperation and was almost going to let loose on him. i was ready to say 'what do i have to do to make it clear to you?' but couldn't humiliate him in front of others. the aggressor understood what was going on and sort of chuckled when i stood up from his cock. we sort of tugged at each other and i thought i was going to follow him or he me or something. i end up in a cubicle expecting him but along comes this tall blonde thing. i'm ashamed to admit (hell no i'm not i'm proud to admit) when i saw the stylized d diesel logo on his shirt i got hot for him. not that he wasn't hot and such a tasty dick, slightly minty like toothpaste. i gobbled madly, it was a good size with a great big huge vein at the base of it. at some point i realized though he was hard he wasn't going to get hard enough to put a condom on and fuck me. around this time the poppers came out and the 'i want your dick in my ass'. his hole was not as accomodating as queenies and he sounded a bit girly while i fucked him. the smell of shit became quite strong and i excused myself. he kept asking me if i came and i kept saying no. the third time he asked why we were stopping and i wanted to say because your shit stinks but just left. in the shower a gentleman scoped me out. i'm sure i've tried to get him before, he seemed familliar and to me just oodles of hot. i'm assuming he's middle eastern but he could also easily be indian. tall dark and foreign, what more do i need. he dosen't stick around. i'm like naked man, what more do you need? i note a short shorter guy and imagine he has a huge dick, end up in dark area with what i think is him and indeed it is a very nice cock. as thick as a coke can and rock solid. a desperately delightful foreskin that my tongue just loves. when it comes to the cock sucking reciprocation time he sucks my cock for about 30 seconds, then spins me around and eats his way to my heart. which turns into him jabbing that fat thing at my ass. i procur a condom and he moves us to an area with a chair. it's hard to put the coat on him but i manage and get his dick in my ass. if you've watched my little video from a couple days ago you know i can be pretty loud while getting my ass poked and this time was no exception. unfortunately an image of carlos also came to me at this point and tears started forming. he came. i was hoping he was going to frig me off but was clearly done, i saw him walk away into a shaft of light and noted that it was not who i thought it was. in the shower again and this time tall, dark and middle eastern watches the whole thing. i put on quite the show, making sure he realizes my hole is an open invitation. when i towel off he steps in, so fucking hot. he has 'tightish' grey slacks on and a dress shirt and me with just a towel, if this ain't porn then what is. he plays with my dick and we kiss, and i have to pull myself up on him to accomplish it, i'm sure my hole is lubricating itself at this point. i feel his cock through his slacks and absolutely melt. he says 'let's go to a cubicle' and i follow him in my towel. nothing says slut quite like walking around in a towel. in the stall i hang the towel, he drops his drawers and opens his shirt. i literally attack him. he's just so freaking hot i want to marry him right then and there. a solid cock, thick (not as thick as the coke can though) and between 7 or 8 inches. we work around to his cock banging at my back door. he says we need a condom and i say yes. oh yes please. then he asks if i have one and i want to say 'fool, i came in here with only a towel and my keys, i'm stepping in someone else's cum and your asking me if i have a condom?' but instead say 'in my locker'. tell him i'll be right back but he dosen't let me leave, he starts jerking that cock like a madman and saying something about cumming. i try to cool him down but the man has a plan. fack. since i've already stepped in countless dna i rub my toesys in his. after that shower i suck a few cocks. end up in a cubicle with the aggressive guy who can't keep his dick hard with a condom on it. sit down afterwards and i guess i dozed off in a delicious g haze. wake up to find some old guy molesting me. try to stop him but he dosen't get it so i get up and walk to a bathroom, he follows. as i'm rinsing my mouth out he apologizes for waking me up and i say it's not a problem, to which he thinks he can begin molesting me again. in a very bitter voice i say 'i'm okay right now' and walk away half done at the sink. though i'm still high i'm also half asleep. a gentleman stops mid-conversation with his two friends and gawks at me when i walk past. i give him a chance to follow but he declines. later i decide to leave and see him stand up, a big boy and i wish i had been a bit more attentive. bah. i go home and end up crying myself to sleep. 1:43 PM (1) comments

Friday, April 01, 2005 gay sex sabbatical continues... well, at least with someone else present. i've been obessed with some german straight porn lately. the women are not the least bit attractive, which matters very little to me and the men just seem so real. i love watching these guys interact with each other while they fuck a chick. i half want to find me a babe so we can go out and pick up men together. which is totally different genre right? so, ummm, things you perhaps don't know about me: i've never seen a lindsay lohan film where i didn't love her in it. that being said, i may have only seen 2. how many are there? i avoid newspapers and newscasts. i've come to the conclusion that yes we are living in the 'end times'. i feel worse about my can (no plastic please) of coke a day habit then my pack of cigerattes. my favourite chip dip in the world is made up of equal parts peanut butter, ketchup and sour cream (i have to use strained sheep milk yogurt these days) with some dill relish. furthermore, aforementioned dip is always a hit when i take it to parties, you just can't say what it's made from and you had to have made it the day before. 2:44 PM (3) comments