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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

i don't know. i think perhaps i do not know my ass from my elbow. i spend time with *hole* again this evening. he asks if he can come over and again i want to just be able to say no but the masochist in me says "yes". while he's here again i have to avert looking him in the eye. i drift off while he prattles on and wonder why i've allowed him to come over. wonder because i know in fact i say yes because i hope for some sort of reconciliation. he says "is there anything you want to talk about" and i steel myself. i want to say i miss him. i want to say i hate him. that i wish i'd never met him. it's all the things i think. i want to know why i'm so stupid. bree vanderkamp mentioned on the weekend the opposite of love is indifference not hate. i want to be indifferent. of course, i answer "no". he rambles on a bit more and then says he should go and i jump up with an "ok" and am half way to the door showing him out before he's finished the sentence. he ask me if i even want him to come over because i never ask him. i snip back that he only comes when it's convenient for him. what exactly does that mean i wonder only seconds after saying it loud. i call him seconds after he leaves and say "yes i do want you to come here".

a bottom! bottoms are a dime a dozen aren't they?

3:49 AM

Comments:

::sigh::

send him walking. if u want the abuse, let me know i will come and use your boy hole as my play pen for a week.

if breaking up was supposed to be fun you would get free ballons and cotton candy.

chin up sweets. i am sure it will all work out for the best...later then sooner based on how u r handling it now :(

it is not the end of the relationship, not the end of the world and def not the end of cock lust

<----crosses fingers for wild geek

best
-s
http://chaos.typepad.com

# posted by Anonymous : 3:48 AM

*hugs you*

Today, I have been doing the hard things. All it took was for my defunct sex friend to be really shitty to me for what I decided was the last time. I have been liberating myself. I want to feel light and unburdened by other people's shit.

If you want to say you hate him and you miss him, if it is important to you: Say it. If you are just trying to play some other game... stop it. And don't be seduced either, you know what you are getting yourself into -- at least right now.

I say, "Don't deal with bullshit," but the truth is sometimes you have to in order to learn shit that won't make sense until three years later.

# posted by Quentin Ergane : 6:28 AM

http://thepornstar.blogs.sapo.pt/

# posted by Anonymous : 10:08 AM

Tunisia é optimo, estive lá há uns 3 anos com o meu namorado e adorei. Não fomos propriamente à procura de praia, mas sim de aventura. Fizemos um circuito excelente, o deserto é maravilhoso...
http://thepornstar.blogs.sapo.pt/

# posted by Anonymous : 10:15 AM