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Monday, March 13, 2006 the mexican soap opera continues. right so, drunken blur of sex on the weekend, followed by personal abuse. matt comes over for a coffee today, i act aloof, it's the only way i can suffer through it. i want to say no when he asks if he can come over, hell i don't want to return his call but i do. i'm not able to look him in the eye. he tells me how he met a psychic on the weekend who was very accurate. "he's made a mistake and left something good." and he needs a psychic to tell him this. i don't take the bait, i can't. i want to, i want to hold him. then he brings up what another friend told him "boyfriends come and go, fuck buddies are forever" and i wake up. i'm not interested in fucking him though. i just wouldn't be able to. i mean, i want to, of course, but i'll want to kiss him and he'll want to turn away from that. then again, i think i could hate fuck him nasty in time. i actually sort of look forward to it, today wasn't the day for it though. when i hate fuck him (and let me stress that *hate fuck*) he'll ask outright for it. after he leaves i get myself off again. unfortunately the image that gets me off is remebering him fucking me on my stomach watching in the mirror in front of us. i blame brokeback mountain even more. ang lee is the curse of my sex life. 6:27 PM |
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