Wednesday, April 26, 2006 sex blog or teenage girl diary? monday night ditchpig came over, then again last night. what can i say? i do feel sorry for him, i do 'like' him, i honestly did love him but two nights in a row? i thought we had caught up enough the night before. there was a point while he was here when he had his hand down his pants and it seemed to me he was doing more then adjusting but it felt more like baiting, (see i'm listening to your opinions) and i was going to 'make a move'. he's made it clear he didn't want to be in a relationship with me and i think he's been clear about not wanting to have actual sex either. the visit was did end soon after he didn't get a response from me. all good. today the first call from him i let go to the machine. the second call i sent straight to the machine. the third call i said i couldn't talk and told him when i would be free, he made some mumble jumble and i said "i'm playing bridge and can't talk now" and hung up. 10:10 PM (4) comments

Tuesday, April 25, 2006 rules? on wildgeek's blog? no, no. the only rule strictly enforced is condoms are in place. if i could enforce some rule that once a month we all get together for a gang bang with my ass then likely i would try and make it once a week. furthermore, ian and kc, i'm worried for you both a little bit that you've read the archives, having put up with that much of me can't be good for either of you. so ya ditchpig came over and no i didn't get the hate fuck. i just feel so sorry for him right now. he's made some very wrong choices and now he's beginning to realize. it would have been so easy for me to say 'i told you so' but i withheld that comment from him. i repeated a conversation i had with him a month ago almost word for word and that was 'told you so' enough. it may seem from my side of the picture that he's stringing me along but i don't really think that is the case. i think right now he's very much feeling alone and i am one of the few friends he has. it's also my belief that he's going to realize what he's left behind in me if he hasn't already. clearly last night he wanted to spend the night but i didn't make the invitation. and on the topic of meth. i'm not interested. smoking it was just something i had wanted to try and now that i've tried it the curiosity is gone. i also am a habitual pot smoker. i also enjoy some of the other letters of the alphabet but far less frequently especially as i no longer have a reliable source. somewhere back in the archives you can read about my last experience with meth, wasting a day of my vacation in hawaii. no thank you. 1:21 PM (5) comments

Monday, April 24, 2006 more gay sex to report and with a twist. sunday evening and i have a slight buzz going. scotch can be such a wonderful aphrodisiac. i head over to a bathhouse. just get a locker out of fiscal restraints. it's fairly busy but nothing that really grabs my attention. walking through the halls i do see something that catches my eye and he smiles back at me but i keep walking. he seemed familliar and it wasn't until after i passed him that i realized he was the boyfriend of one my regulars. i had had sex with a couple times but then each time i went over he was sitting out, which always made me feel a little peculiar. i would have liked to play with him but then again if he's turning down the oppurtunity when i am at his place he's not likely going to want to play at the tubs. i guess i didn't make matters any better by not saying 'hello'. then i ran across a gentleman i've played with a few times over the years. in fact, and i should keep this story to myself but the first time i played with him he was one of the first people i connected with off of the internet. which was a big failure. since i've learned he's mostly bottom though our 'sex life' has improved. haven't played with him in likely a year. he caught me off gaurd in the hall and again it wasn't until he was passed that i realized who it was. i then set out to find him again. got sidetracked by an eastern european couple. one half of the couple had initiated a conversation with me in the common area. when i didn't seem sufficiently interested he told me i was cute but he liked guys with hair on their chests. i was more interested in his boyfriend and what i assumed was a large cock. now walking pst them in halls he says to me 'hey cute boy' and i say hello but keep walking. then he yells out 'is that it?' and i say 'what more would you like?' to which he replies 'what would you like?'. never answer a question with a question i think to myself and turn the corner. later as i think the three of us are going to connect in a dark area they begin arguing with each other and in their native tongue. i remove myself from the scene. the problem with getting a locker only at a bathhouse is that i don't like wandering. i prefer to cruise stationary and so decide it's best i leave as nothing seems to be happening for me. who should be in the locker room in all out shouting match? the half of the couple i find intriguing is dressed and the other one is not. many things are being said, none of which i understand but dressed one keeps saying 'bye'. well, i think perhaps something will happen on the way out and i can invite him back to my place for a little action. however, their fighting continues well after i'm dressed and leaving. i get home and check out the internet. the gentleman bottom from the bathhouse is online and so i ask him if i can have a go. he sends me the location and i actually take a cab to get there faster. nice apartment. we go into the bedroom with a leather sheet on top of the bed. i'm naked quick and he starts sucking on me. once i'm hard he asks if i can play a long time and i say yes. then he asks if i like to party and again i say yes. he says "let's smoke some crystal" and i get a little more excited. i'm not particulary fond of crystal meth however i've always been interested in smoking it having only snorted it before this. after smoking i have some difficulty getting hard right away. he says don't worry there's no rush which puts me at ease enough to get hard again. i fuck him and while i'm fucking he asks if he can fuck me too. hey chief why not? however his fucking me dosen't last long and i'm back at his ass. getting my cardio. he says 'right now this is mine' which is fine i guess. which then translates into just 'this is mine' which again is okay. my previous experiences with meth taught me that really it becomes just about the drug and this time was no different. while i was fucking i would begin to wonder when the next hit was going to be. i think i was there and fucking him for two hours before he said he didn't think he was going to be able to take it much longer, was i close? i put him on his back and finished myself off. then i rubbed his hole (without entering by request) until he came. the after sex conversation was interesting. he brought up that we had played before but not for a year, that i was welcome to come over anytime. discussed his current employment situation (working from home). also told me that he hadn't slept in three days. part of me wanted to stay and make him sleep (like the first time we had sex together) but really i wanted to get home. now this evening it looks as if the ditch pig might come over. he was here earlier in the day and buzzing but i didn't let him in, it was an unannounced visit and i was actually getting ready to go to the gym. i could make out that it was him looking outside and in a reflection and decided i didn't want to see him so just didn't answer the buzz. later, just as i got to the gym he called and the first thing he said was 'you can't say i ignore you, i was at your place earlier and you weren't there', i didn't understand what he said and asked him to repeat it. then i was just shocked at what he had said. to begin with i've never even suggested that he ignores me, in fact i've often thought life would be alot easier if he just stopped contacting me. second, and call me a fuddy duddy but phone manners are one of my pet peeves, and i just don't think you call someone and start out the conversation like that. it put me on edge, i mean he had no idea that i was actually home when he buzzed and bla bla bla. i told him that i was at the gym and then not thinking he would i said 'if he'd like to come over afterwards he could'. it will be late, and likely include him crashing here. i may still back out. though i don't think i'm hung up on him anymore there is bitterness now and i wonder if he keeping him as friend is even worth it. of course, i think it would be too rude of me to suggest this... 11:40 PM (2) comments

Sunday, April 23, 2006 goog gay sex finally! great gobs of it. it seemed like forever... i was at the theater and amazed at just how unattractive the crowd was. there were a few regulars there, one was very persistent, i kept trying to 'be somewhere' else when i saw him. i didn't actually want to say no but he literally forced me into a corner and i had to say no to which he stormed off. over the past year i've let him fuck me at least once a week, and i would have that night too, except he jumped on me right away, give me a chance to breathe. after that it became a bit uncomfortable, i felt like he was a landmine i had to navigate. nothing was catching my eye until i happed on a little man sitting down. he had dishevelled hair a la donnie darko, a wisp of facial hair, he was dark, spanish but maybe asian so i decided he must be phillipino and he looked like a tough little fucker. i had made a quick turn around to check him out again but he had already gotten up and followed me, we had a quick grope against the wall before he led me to a stall. he undid his zipper and pulled what looked like it was going to turn into a very nice cock out, i let my shorts drop to my ankles. we then started swapping blow jobs. i was content to just keep sucking on his cock, thick, hard and with a bend down at the base but then he would go after my cock and after sucking on me for a minute he would stand up and i would get to go back down on him. near the start of this swapping his hand had brushed quickly against my hole and then no more. i started playing with my own hole and when he found out about this the blow job swapping stopped and he took over. with spit he got his finger right up in there, which normally i don't like but here and in this instance i was really getting off on it. eventually he spun me around and i think he was preparing to fuck me raw when i pulled out condoms and lube. there was that dreadful moment where i thought it was going to be bareback or none at all but fortunately he snapped the condom on quickly. how it hurt! i was overly excited from all the cock sucking and could easily have cum right away but managed to fight it off. for a bit anyway and then when i did start cumming he grabbed at the head of my dick to feel the cum spurting out, which, although very hot, sort of stunted my cum shot. i would have let him kept fucking me even had i emptied out all of my nuts but how do you convey that? he did keep fucking me for a bit but eventually my ass squeezed him out, he took off the condom and started pulling himself. i got down under him and started licking at his cock and hand and then caught all his load on my chest. so very hot. he started apologizing, actually saying 'sorry' and all i could manage was 'hot'. it was hot sex, he was hot and his cum on me was hot but all i could say was hot. dammit. he waited as i got dressed and then said 'ciao' as we left. i immediately went home, marvelled at the cumstains my tshirt picked up and had a shower. 11:48 AM (1) comments

Monday, April 17, 2006 a weekend bereft of any gay sex at all. that's fine. i'm showered, cleaned and with a fresh new jarhead i'm heading off to a bathhouse for the first time since ditchpig and i broke up. being the smart (or is that stupid) boy that i am i take with me an assortment of dildos. i only wish i had some tasty chemicals but will check out that possibilty on the way there... 10:49 PM (1) comments

Monday, April 10, 2006 disappointing gay sex. saturday evening and despite my original intentions of going to a bathhouse i went to the theater. an attractive little guy caught my eye and i his. we had the initial cock rubbing, then both of us took our dicks out and right away he grabbed my head so i began sucking his cock. not very big but quite sturdy. he also cradled my head while fucking my face which i find quite endearing. when others started pawing at him he pulled me away from the scene. i followed him thinking we would be going to a private area. we walked by one open cubicle, then another and then i began to wonder if perhaps he had changed his mind and was trying to lose me. just as i decided to give up i discovered what he was doing was looking for someone else. in another open area he approached someone that was obviously a friend. others were around and i was suddenly uncomfortable and walked away, he grabbed at me, as well the friend but i kept moving. shortly after that and in an another area he came up to me and said "i want to fuck with you" in a delicious eastern european accent. "come meet my friend". i don't know why but i chose instead to walk away, again he grabs at me and this time i say "no thank you". even as i was walking away i was wondering why. the friend seemed attractive, he was attractive. however, sometimes i think it best to follow your gut instinct. i end up playing with this tall hunk of a man, shaved head, goatee and a nine inch cock. a little cock play, a little unnecessary nipple play and some kissing. then he asks me if i live close by, i do and tell him so, he asks if he can come home. now, the key here is, he's playing with my ass when he asks me and away we go. we get to my place and he asks if i smoke weed, i have a joint rolled and so we smoke it and continue some light cock play while smoking. we then get undressed, he gets totally naked and i formulate that i'm going to have to wait for him to dress when it's time for him to go, little did i know it would be so soon. he asks if i like poppers and i say yes. he then asks if i have any and so i open a new bottle (did i mention it was a nine inch cock?). in no time i have him eating my ass then he starts rubbing his cock up against my ass and talking about fucking me. delicious. he lays down and i start sucking his cock in prepartion for the condom. out of nowhere he starts growling and cums. i want to get off but don't really want him present. i get him a dry towel and let him wipe himself off. i guess he senses he's leaving and while dressing mentions hooking up again, i get a good clear mental image of him so as to make sure it doesn't happen again. at this point i get a strong sense that i have played with him before and with the same results, whether it's just deja vu or it did actually happen still isn't clear. i try some internet sex and pass out. today a straight friend calls up at 11am and wants to come over. i agree, he ends up being an hour later then expected. he's broke up with his girlfriend, there was some scene at a hotel with another girl and that's why he's late. he makes a few suggestive jokes but i'm really not into finessing what will basically be me doing him (and not him filling my ass). i do the dishes instead and he leaves. i intend to have a quick little wank and head out to a bathhouse for some afternoon delite. however, a quick wank turns into a dildo in my ass and i pump out the biggest load in quite some time. this boy needs an ass pounding. ps... the ditchpig and i have not seen each other for over a week now. he continues to call and wants to set up times to meet but i keep backing out. he's taken to leaving messages and asking me to text him. so i text inane babble, then he calls and leaves hostile messages. i want my hate fuck. 7:16 PM (0) comments

Saturday, April 08, 2006 i understand i should be focusing my energies toward sex but i haven't been. in the last week i've even only masturbated twice, neither time did i haul out a dildo. that being said i have not wasted time with numb nuts either. in fact, i was a bit evil with the hole. had thought the roommate's fuck friend was coming over so i called up matt and asked if he wanted to go out and do something so as to leave them to their dirty business. however, after making the plans i discovered the friend wasn't coming over, instead of calling and cancelling i just ignored the calls from matt. do onto others right? i mean i couldn't even count how many times matt has done the same to me. so, my energies have been focused on the gym. i've gone every day now for 7 days. mind you, one of those days i took a friend as a guest and that wasn't really much of a workout. well over a month i've been doing this now and i'm still at the same weight though. mind you, my arms are looking tastier then they ever have. i'm committed to going to a bathhouse tommorow, not the theater. i want my legs up in the air. also i have what could be a hot date next weekend with a former fling. a bottom but a bottom with drugs... 2:44 AM (2) comments

Saturday, April 01, 2006 further confessions of a high school girl. i mean honestly, wasn't it last year that i admitted to *liking* lindsay lohan? it has nothing to do with brokeback mountain really because i am a high school girl posing as a gay man. wednesday night, matt stays over. we watch some tv and end up falling asleep together me holding him. thursday night, matt stays over, we watch some tv and fall asleep. there was a little more *cuddling* this time. wake up friday morning, with a hard on, and a boy so i do what comes natural like. in no time i have him hard and half naked. i know he's horny too because he lies on his stomach. i start playing with the hole's hole. i love his pretty little ass. i want to fuck him, bad, and delude myself into thinking it will be a hate fuck. i grab condoms and lube. he says "we're not having sex". frankly, we've been having sex for the last hour, what he means to say is "no penatration". i think about it for a second and say "no your right, we're not having sex". i don't kick him out right then and there but he is gone within 5 minutes. wants to go and party with me friday night. i question why. if we're not going to have sex what's the point? i don't commit. later in the afternoon he seduces me with the idea of some chemical recreation, i commit. the evening rolls around, he's out for dinner, i get ready. he calls and i'm about to go meet him. innocently enough i question about said chemicals, there are none because he's already taken them. okay fine. i tell him i'll meet him. then i text him that i've decided not to go out with him. i pop open a bottle of champagne and get the roommate drunk. we go out and switch to beer and tequilla. the theater calls me. (and to clear up any confusion, *the theater* is just a porn house). i'm a stumbling one man sex pit. in no time i have "coke can cock" in my ass. who again grumbles about his knees after we have sex. from him i move onto the hottest little black guy with another thick cock only longer. he quickly discovers my hole has already been used and precedes to use it as well, and offers up poppers (yes an inhalant). in the middle of fucking me he asks if i live close by, i tell i do but leave it that. he tells me how far he has to go to go home and i take his dick out of my ass. he's hot, nice dick, but honestly, you need to finesse an invite back to my place (or so i think). i go to my locker and grab my phone to check the time. before i even flip it open it's vibrating. of course, it's matt and he finesses an invitation to my place. i tell him i'm not at home yet and i'll meet him on the street. i don't tell him my hole is pre-lubed. on the street i get a little frisky, "stop being so perverted". bah, i put it on hold until we're back at the apartment. bless his dear sweet little heart he has pot and we get high(i have a shower while he breaks it up and rolls). he wants some booze and i oblige him but am wise enough not to partake. he questions if i have any 'hooch' left. hooch is a delightful alcohol concoction i make with the stalk and bits of leftover pot. i fry up the weed to break down the thc and then at the full moon i start soaking it in vodka. it smells awful, is green and makes your tongue tingle the moment of contact. i lie and say "drank it all". i begin the "perversion" again. i guess i needed to finesse the sex but being drunk i just naturally assumed we could get past the charade of falling asleep together and start with some play. he says "we're friends" and i say "friends can't touch each other's hole?" (i am a witty bird when drunk). then, a moment of truth comes out of my mouth, "you've been here 3 nights in a row" and this snaps him. how dare i think because he's been here 3 nights in a row that it means anything. he decides to leave. i ask him to stay. actually, i practically beg. i'm drunk, horny and want to fuck his ass. at this point i'll say anything, i'm a dog. he leaves and i blessedly pass out. today i wake up and feel pretty good. he dosen't want to be my boyfriend, and as a friend he dosen't want to have sex. just a friend, and i have enough 'just friends' at the moment. 1:06 PM (4) comments