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Monday, December 17, 2007 dear diary, there's this boy i like. lately he's all i think about. i know it's wrong, i know it's not meant to be, i know he would be bad for me but still, being aware dosen't make it any less prevalent. i say to myself "today i will no longer be affected by him" but then he says that something somethin' or smiles the certain way or shows me the attention i rightly deserveand i forget to hold fast to my "today i know...". i questioned out loud to a friend yesterday "why dosen't he see me as a mark?" when i very well am and realize that i am. our first date had to be postponed by half an hour because he had to service a client. diary, you know, it was the "date" part of that statement that was wrong. what am i doing going on a date? furthermore, why am i secretly proud of the fact that our first date did not involve sex. sure, some stolen caresses while he slept and holding him while i fell asleep. almost even calling him by the name of he that i am reminded of by him. oh the morbidity of it all. 2:01 AM |
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