Wednesday, May 27, 2009
i never denied having a sexual addiction. it was never a problem. i have always been very lucky with being able to see and control my addictions. that's a slight lie. my addiction to nicotine has always been my one weakness. for the first time beyond reckoning i went almost 24 hours without supply yesterday. what i did for some supply was possibly worse then what crack whores go through but that's the nicotine blog.
sex on the other hand i have been going without. once in may. once in april. it happened in march and february slightly more then that but still not daily. sex has always been the downfall in my relationships. i can have sex and not feel love, hell i don't even have to like them. however, love without sex is less appealing. love me love my high sex drive.
i've been doing that love thing now for over a year. while being slowly weaned off that sex type thing. i feel it bubbling and boiling inside of me.
former fuck buddy and i did the movie thing today. beforehand he was telling me about having a massage and being embarassed because he came while being massaged. not a rub and tug massage either. he'd said it been three weeks since he came (he rarely jerks off) and i could remember those times when we played together. cum everywhere, which i wouldn't be allowed to play with. "what are you doing with my babies" he'd ask me. he'd also be good for another go after that.
thankfully the movie engaged me enough that i didn't think anymore of him until the film was over. then there was another unexpected distraction and then we only had 20 minutes until we both had to be somewhere else. i actually thought there was more time and suggested 'we' knew how to kill time. though i never would have gone through with actually doing the need. so much navigation.
10:57 PM
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